What's Up?
"...I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed, just to get it all out what's in my head and I'm feeling a little peculiar... and so I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream at the top of my lungs, What's going on?" These lyrics from a 4 Non Blondes song keep rolling through my head. In fact, I even attempted to learn how to play it on the guitar and recorded my somewhat sad attempt on video. What is going on with me? I haven't written any blog posts here for awhile so I figured it was due time. As soon as I finish this post I am going to work some more on my book about sailing across the Atlantic as a way to escape my current emotional state.
As the full brunt of the Moon is waxing into a gibbous state I sense the pressure easing a bit in my skull. The water that makes up most of this body sure has had a lot of pull over my internal state of affairs as of recently. As you can possibly tell by my most recent watercolor painting (which I like best after being modified with the #prisma app). The way I was feeling came out through the brush in a mix of colorful streaks. Feeling the weight of the concrete jungle world entangled with the subtle energies of the earth with all it's inhabitants twisted with my perception in time. What is this feeling I'm lacking the talent to shake? Obscured by the clouds of my own insecurity the walls of doubt are inviting me in. What's going on?
It's springtime and the sun has been shining, except for today, today it rained, it rained so hard I thought the sky was falling. It doesn't rain that hard that often here in the northwest, usually it rains a lot but oh so gently for a long period of time. Today it just dumped down all at once. The raging rivers in the gutters created forceful waterfalls shooting out the spouts as I watched out the window during the thick of it. Thankful at the time to be indoors in a safe, warm house, able to watch the torrent from up high. I stayed in bed for a long time today and if it weren't for a call asking for a ride home from school I may not have even left the house at all.
I have so much going on inside this amazing house where I get to live. I spent most of the morning making videos to upload to my newly approved for monetization youtube channel. Finally maybe I can bring some income in from my creative love of being a shutterbug constantly capturing life in action around me. I have so many ideas and I have the time to implement them too. I'm taking steps, some small some big, some may not get me anywhere but I'm full of hope for potentials. Yet there's something nagging at me. Something beneath the surface that I can't quite put my finger on. This life, these dreams I have while I'm awake and the dreams I have at night, the vivid pictures spinning around, the shots of Deja vu that sting me with wonderment of the meaning of it all. It's got to give, this life I live, I need a reason for all this energy, for all these ideas, for all the love I feel that I want to share but feel is already misunderstood. The urge for the collective of humanity to wake up and smell the freedom right inside our own noses.
It stinks, I know, I smell it too and I just know there must be something I can do. But what?
Good Intentions
I woke up this morning, like I do a lot of mornings, with the urge to write. Unlike most mornings where I stifle the urge with distractions (like facebook) or make excuses (like "I have to finish my laundry first") this morning I grabbed my computer and I'm laying in bed with coffee attempting to write what seemed so profound to share as I was lingering in the in-between dream/waking state. It's all tied together in my head yet as I write the emotion of inspiration is fading and I wonder if more sips of coffee will be the answer. Coffee always seems to help multiple things in multiple ways after-all.
A Randy Travis song swims into my awareness as I think about the title of this post. His words have stuck with me since I was a little girl sitting on the back of the tractor while my Dad was listing to country music on the radio. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but... my intentions were the best." Why did that strike me and why is it in my head now? I think it's because I'm realizing fully that my good intentions are not enough. I have to back them up with action and make a very conscious effort to extend beyond lifetimes of unconscious programming. I say "lifetimes" because it's beyond just me, it's what my parents learned from their parents, who learned from their parents, who were all just doing their best (like all of us are) based on commonly accepted knowledge at respective times in history and culture. The tricky part is to stop making excuses, step out of our comfort zone, trust in ourselves and make our good intentions known.
I intend to make a difference in this world. In order to do that I have to truly step out of my comfort zone. I know I need to take risks, the biggest risk is feeling vulnerable by putting myself out there. I love so deeply, I feel so strongly, I am so passionate about so many things and what if you find out about them? Is it safe for me to share when there's so many differences of opinion out there about what I "Should" do with my life, with my time during this time on this planet? More and more I realize I just have to say Fuck it and do it anyway. (And I know that word is offensive to some people, my intention is not to offend, it's just a great word with such strong force that nothing else compares. Just think about how many other "acceptable" words people try to use in it's place to convey the same meaning, why not just use the real word?) The point being we all seem to care too much about little things (like words) that don't really matter in the big picture.
The big picture being that these lifetimes are precious, we are all valuable and there is more than enough for everyone. It's time we wake up to the fact that we are all so intimately connected and we have more power than we think. I know you've heard this theme ringing throughout my blog but I have to keep reminding myself too. I have been conditioned yet without a doubt in my heart I know this is true. There's got to be a way to get beyond that conditioning, that programming. The road to hell is only paved with good intentions if we let our intentions be driven into the ground by what we feel we "should" do because someone told us to or by just running on automatic and doing what we have always done.
It takes serious effort not to judge other people but especially not to judge ourselves. It's time to stop the judgements that make us all feel like poo. All aspects of the great spirit (God) are within each and every one of us, therefore we are not here to judge and we are not to be judged either (by ourselves or by God). We are here to learn and to express the pure and deepest desires in our hearts. We are here to breath the fresh air, swim in the water, taste the fruit, feel the love, to be inspired and to create our dreams. And the coolest part is that we all want different things and we all have different lessons to learn and different ways of doing things. So not only do we get to learn from each other, we get to work with each other with our different gifts and specialties.
It's divine, it's beautiful and sometimes it's a mess. Time to get dirty so we can clean up. I've shed more tears than I wish to share, I've been through hard times and made plenty of mistakes, some of which I'm still learning from. There's things I regret (though I try not to dwell on them) and I still judge myself harshly at times as I look at my shadow side. We all have our own demons to slay, this being human stuff is very challenging at times, but my point is, it's all worth it. For all the pain there's so much joy and beauty. Breaking beyond the fear and trusting in the process as it unfolds while becoming stronger with each experience. I have good intentions for the rest of my life and I intend to make the most of them by taking actions that are in alignment with my heart. We all have innate intuition and I'm finally starting to trust mine as well as hear/see/feel it more clearly and I hope you will too.
Anyway, enough for now, it's time for the task list, there's always chores that need to be done and I will enjoy them more knowing that I took the time to write first. Thanks for sharing this journey with me.
Spring Forward...
Daylight savings time just began and although I'm looking forward to longer daylight hours, the time change always throws me for a loop the first few days. I woke up this morning with a strange feeling I'm still trying to shake. My dreams have been vivid lately so I imagine it might be part of this issue I'm having. I'm ready for spring while at the same time I feel as though all of those things I hoped to get done during winter have vanished with the time. I did accomplish one major thing I have been working on though- Lucid dreaming. I finally had a fully lucid dream.
The second Saturday of every month is a combined class at Simply Spirit center with all of the current and some past clairvoyant students and teachers. We were doing some work with the Akashic Records during this last class and long story short, I think the conversations in class affected my dreamscape. I found myself in the dream relaying a dream that I had had of a catastrophic event that was supposed to occur as I was in one in the dream at the time (thinking I should have warned someone about my dream beforehand). After the flood waters subsided in the dream I was telling my friends about the dream I had had before when suddenly it hit me. I looked at them with perfectly clarity while remembering to stay calm as to not wake myself up and then proceeded to tell them I loved them and that in fact, this was just a dream, that we were in that moment just dreaming. Then I said "see you later" and attempted to fly. I flew through pitch black until I hit the door of another dream scene and was sucked back in to a non-lucid state. Needless to say, I woke up and remembered all of it, it's still has a crazy emotional charge to the memory of the moment I realized it was all a dream.
So here I sit on the couch with my Macbook on my lap and it's almost time for bed. How do I set myself up for another lucid dream and when I realize I'm dreaming what is the next step. The flying seemed to be a bit of an uncreative attempt being that fly was the only part that happened. Not fly over the ocean or out to the moon, just through pitch black and really fast. I'd like to be able to use the power of lucid dreaming to learn how to run faster and how to heal the world; to create works of art and to understand the deeper meaning of life on planet earth. (And there I go again- I want it all and I want it now!) Yet I have to remember to take baby steps, have a little patience because it's all part of a process. In fact even the first step to dreamland is always a challenge- calming my mind down enough so that I can actually even fall asleep but I'm going to go try now. Today has been a weird day and I'm glad it's almost over. Thanks for reading my ramble. Sweet Dreams.
Changing my home page...
This is what it said until today:
Welcome to the place where you will remember....
You have a choice... believe it or not but it's easier to see it when you believe it.
I'm sure you have heard this famous quote by Henry Ford, "Whether you think you can or you can't- you're right". Ultimately it's solely your decision what you choose to believe so please choose wisely because you are bound to prove yourself right. The more I realize that what I believe in becomes true the more I make a conscious choice to believe in the things that make me feel good about this life. There is so much beauty in this world and its more fun when we all get to see it and share it with each other. We are all connected on this beautiful planet so it's time we empower each other by believing in ourselves and taking responsibility for our actions and our choices.
Thank you for embarking on this journey of discovery with me- we are engineering our destiny with every step we take and every decision we make.
We have the power to change the world. The best way to predict the future is to create it. :)
All pictures are originals I have taken except for the ones of me which are labeled with photographer credit. Feel free to contact me for use of my images. Thanks!
Now Logged in my blog. :)
Hooping in the NW
I don't want to offend anyone but I've always liked the reference Bellinghamster, I think it's funny to refer to people from Bellingham as 'Hamsters. Apparently some people prefer the term Bellinghammer, I personally don't want to be called a 'Hammer. The word hamster conjures up images of cute pudgy fur-balls and the word hammer conjures up images of either the tool or the act of getting hammered. Either way I suppose it's not the best way to reference where I am from, I guess if you were to ask me what I am in relation to where I'm from the best response I can come up with is a North-Westerner. That word conjures up better geographical images in my mind, I'm proud to be from this corner of the USA. I guess that mean's I'm done with my Hamster Hooping idea... I wanted it to be more encompassing and all-inclusive anyway. NW Hoop Group it is and the logo is going to be amazing because it doesn't have to include a fuzzy pudgy rodent nor a hard-headed tool.
So my latest addiction is hula-hooping hence the Hoop Group I'm hoping to make wildly popular in this area of the world. Hooping is fun and who doesn't love to dance too? Hoop dance, skills, flow and fun. I'm so excited about this spring and summer. I'm already taking a hoop with me everywhere, practicing daily and watching youtube tutorials to improve my abilities. Deanne Love has the best tutorials I have found and she has the best Logo and name already! Hooplovers! She is so awesome! I hope to share and spread the love for her and for this amazing thing that involves such a simple thing as a circle. Circles are sacred and hoops are one way of exploring the geometry of them in time and space. Happy Hooping!
Shutter Bug
Mount Cheam, Agassiz British Columbia
I take a lot of photos and I want to share the best of them but the whole process of editing, organizing and uploading is where I have trouble. I love to attempt to capture the beauty that I see everywhere I go and I love looking at them later as reminders of where I have been. I just wish I had a better method for processing as well as a good outlet for them to be seen and shared and used. For now this blog will have to suffice for sharing small snippets of my shutter buggy-ness until I get the gallery on the website rolling. Amongst many of my long-term projects and good intentions I still have to get out and experience life and adventure first hand. Most of this computer stuff can wait, right?
The image above is from my most recent trip to supernatural British Columbia with my famous and beautiful friend Kamala Chambers from Thriving Launch who I've known since high school. We picked up a snowboarding hitch-hiker on our way up to Hemlock Valley resort to go Skiing for Ladies day after spending the night at Harrison Hot-Springs. When we picked Bryana up she was drenched from standing out in the rain waiting for a ride. We all hoped the mountain would be high enough that the rain would turn to snow when we arrived. Instead we skied in the rain and got very, very wet so it didn't last too long. In fact I was ready to bail before we left the slippery parking lot but Kamala was encouraging so we got our free lift tickets and braved the wetness. Fortunately, the best part of the ski-trip was making a new friend and so we offered her a ride back down the mountain. As we drove back into the lowlands the sky opened up revealing a magical landscape of ice crystals and rainbows.
When we arrived at the Abundance Farm where Bryana lives, the sounds as we stepped out of the car for a stretch were wild. Sunbeams hitting the ice coated willow trees combined with a light breeze made the landscape come alive with sounds of crackling, falling, shattering bits of frozen water. Lots of photos and videos were taken in a short amount of time and then we were back on the road headed towards home. Our entry back into the States was much easier than our entry into Canada which reminds me I need to update my Nexus Card. It was a quick and wonderful trip in some potentially hazardous weather but with my amazing AWD Toyota Highlander (aka the "Love-mobile") we plowed through snow drifts, splashed through muddy puddles and had good traction on sheets of ice making it home safely and happily. I'm looking forward to many more adventures up into Canada and beyond. Next adventure starts this weekend with Sailing around Shaw Island in the beautiful Salish Sea.
Farsighted
I'm actually near-sighted and ideally I would love to have perfect vision without corrective lenses. Though this is not the farsightedness I speak of here, what I'm thinking of may better be referred to as Visionary. The image above was taken with a zoom lens and then modified to enhance the details that could not be seen with the naked eye. You see the Olympic mountains in the background behind Fidalgo island and how the perspective makes everything seem so small in comparison? Thats what I am talking about. The bigger picture in regards to the future. In training to become clairvoyant I have learned that Psychics do not predict the future because we are all co-creating it. We can learn to see probable outcomes based on current paths and habits but ultimately nothing is set in stone. Thats why it is extremely important to see the bigger picture. Not only with the world or our country but within ourselves. We have free will. We get to choose what we want to see in our futures, we get to choose how we feel, how we react, what we think, what we do, who we are. Instead of reacting automatically all the time based on past experiences or habits we can, at any given time, choose to do something completly different.
I'm not saying it's easy. Even though the only constant is change we are creatures of habit and we like things we know, things that we are familiar with even when they are not in our best interest. The first step we can take is to become aware of that and work on observing ourselves from a non-judgmental perspective. We are trained to look outside ourselves for answers but really the answers are just waiting to be accessed from within. The only person who knows what is going to make you truly happy is you. The only way you can even begin to change your life is by making a choice to do something, anything. Human beings are inherently good, we are full of potential for amazing things we haven't even begun to discover. Once we get past the primal struggle for survival and the lust for superficial power, we have the capacity to create such a beautiful world. It all starts within us. When you look at the size of the Earth in relation to the size of the universe you can see how important it is to realize that we are all in the same boat. Lets celebrate our differences while working together for the greater good of every living part of this tiny planet we share.
The quantum physics implications of interconnectedness are empowering. We feel so small and insignificant yet at the same time we are inextricably linked to the entire quantum field. Which means that what we do in each moment, what we think, what we feel, how we act, affects absolutely everything instantaneously. So if you feel like overwhelmed and hopeless at the state of the world remember you are a part of it. You don't have to go out there and do something. All you have to do is go within and imagine whatever it is that gives you hope and makes you feel good. Become aware of what makes you passionate for life. Become aware of where you are headed and what is truly important to you. Imagine doing whatever it is that makes your heart burst with love even if you can only do it in your imagination. Your feelings are real, they create energetic ripples that expand outward into the unified field, into the collective consciousness. Just because you can't see it with the naked eye does not mean that it isn't real. It's been scientifically proven, theres plenty of research you can do to back up what I'm saying from a logical, practical perspective. Think about it. Imagine the future you want to see become this collective reality we all share.
Thank you.
Happy 2017!
It's already the 2nd week of January, 2017 and it's been almost a month since my last blog post. Time flies when you're having fun. I had high expectations for myself last fall in regard to certain projects I wanted to have finished by now. Instead of buckling down and doing the nitty gritty work I have been saying yes to adventures and playing instead. Life is too short to work all the time right? We never know how long we have and the most important things in life aren't things. They are experiences and in that sense I feel I have not wasted a moment of my time. Maybe I set my expectations too high but I'm not disappointed in myself, I've just had to re-adjust my perspective and perceptions. The Eagle has been one of my key spirit animals assisting me on my path. Eagles are symbolic of great strength along with the ability to see the big picture and I have been blessed with many reminders by my physical encounters with them. I'm also very grateful to be aware of my connection with them and with the spirit in all that is. As I learn to give in and let go, I want to be like the water following the path of least resistance, going with the flow as I trust in the universe to continue to guide and support me along the way.
So far this year has been amazing. I've had the chance to see many of my wonderful friends I haven't seen in a long time. And I've had the freedom to choose how my days go. I feel so incredibly thankful to find myself here and now. The earth and this life is so beautiful and I keep trying to capture the beauty that I see so that I can share it with all of you. I'm constantly amazed at what I'm continuing to see and to learn every day. I'm still working on writing my books, painting and music too. I have canvas & sewing jobs in process and soon I will be using my Captains license again as I get the opportunity to take people out on sailing adventures in the amazing San Juan Islands. More information and links coming on that soon too. In the meantime, Thank you for your patience and understanding with me and with yourselves. This life is an ever unfolding adventure with many unexpected twists and turns. In the words of Bob Ross, "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents"... lets enjoy the ride as we paint the canvas's of our lives.
Twenty-Two
According to numerology today is a master number day for me. 22 reduces down to a 4 as well meaning that I can write off the higher aspects of possibility if I so desire by just being down to earth and stable. It's tempting because there's so much going through my mind, energies in motion in my system and I'm standing on a ledge close to overwhelm. One thing at a time. Number 22 is the master builder meaning that dreams can become reality, the flip-side is self-imposed pressure resulting in missed opportunity. Heavy implications but I got this. I think.
And I got side-tracked, so what have I done with this day today since I first started writing this post?
I've been deep inside my psyche, questioning, pondering, exploring while maintaining a stability in my physical world. I enjoyed the simple things today, coffee, a late brunch with people I love. Then I started writing, watched a masterclass with Mike Dooley and read a little more of his book, went for a bike ride around town in the dry rain, went grocery shopping, wrote an serious e-mail, made work plans and ordered stuff then helped fix dinner and do dishes. Usual stuff but the entire time my mind was focused on the fact that I'm becoming more present and aware of my inner world (my thoughts & feelings) while I go about my day. I'm starting to connect the dots as I see my inward perceptions manifest subtly outwardly in the physical world. Nothing to shout about specifically but there were more moments today where I knew for sure that what I believe has a heck of a lot to do with what I see. Which for me, is pretty sweet. Its nice to feel validated.
And now it's time to get some rest. I'm setting the intention to have a lucid dream tonight and I hope to fly even if for only a moment. Dreams are another exciting adventure that I've been tracking with a journal and lingering attention. I know I still have a lot to do but it's seeming to be more like play and less like work. I think I've been taking things to seriously with a little impatience. It feels good to relax and go with the flow. It's easy to be pleased when there's no expectations. Sweet Dreams.
Is it snowing yet?
It's cold here in the NW and its supposed to snow soon. I really hope it does. I want to watch the white frozen crystallized water fall gently from the frigid skies and pile up in layers as a blanket of pure bright sparkling refractions of light on solidified liquid. It's like pure magic the way the clouds are created as they cycle from the earth to the sky in wet and dry forms. It's been too long since it's snowed hard and stuck here so close to sea level and I hope everyone stays safe in the winter conditions. I know it can cause problems for some but I wish for pure aesthetic reasons that we get absolutely covered in snow and that it lasts a little while. That we can all take a moment to look around at the white with the wonder in our eyes that we had as children seeing snow for the first time. To appreciate it for what it is on a level that disregards the potential troubles it causes when schedules get in the way of us being fully present to life as it surrounds us in beauty. Praying for safe travels and happiness for everyone while simultaneously wishing for a wild white wonderland.
Life on Earth...
...is quite the adventure. And Mike Dooley has written a book about it. I first found out about Hay House publishing from my favorite Author Pam Grout and ever since I gave my e-mail address to Hay House my inbox has had a steady stream of new books and authors reaching out for my attention. I love to read and just this morning I took the bait and purchased Mister Dooley's newest book partially for the bonus's promised in the newsletter. Then I joined the private Facebook group immediately and asked a question which he promptly answered during the live web feed on ZOOM this afternoon. Now I'm thankful I have Amazon prime because the book will be here in two days and I can hardly wait to start reading it. Needless to say, I'm impressed so far with the transparency and authenticity oozing from this human being who is sharing himself with all of us. We are all in this together and it's helpful to know there are like-minded individuals who exist in this vast and wild world we live in. I'll keep you posted on the book with a full review after I finish reading it. I love to share. :) And Thank you for reading this.