Confused?

Yeah, me too.

New website design coming soon. This one is so over complicated, right? You can keep reading blog posts on this one if you like anyway and feel free to go ahead browse the other links in the menu for now if you haven’t been here before.

I just have to find the time to do it all!!! All the things I want to do that is. And that’s a lot!

House-keeping

Is hard work. Seriously. It’s one thing to do the dishes and laundry but deeper cleaning along with sweeping, dusting and vacuuming is one heck of a work out! And not the fun kind of workout like running which I’m skipping today because the house-keeping wore me out.

So I’m currently lying on my bean bag yoga mat in the sun on the grass in the yard drinking my 2nd Kirkland brand sparkling water of the day. Writing was also on my to-do list today so here I am. The birds are chirping, the wind chimes are tinkling in the breeze and the sound of traffic just mixing with the neighbors lawn mower is drifiting into my headspace. Where I lay the sun is hot on my backside and I can see the six sugar pie pumpkins I harvested from the garden two days ago getting ripe with the last of the summers warmth.

My Goodman just arrived home from work and humanly raised dry rubbed ribs are slow-cooking in the oven for dinner. I have cherry tomatoes waiting to be harvested from the garden which I will do as soon as I finish this post. Life is busy but good and I always overwhelm myself by trying to do everything while making time for self care too. Hence writing in the yard in the sun. And I’m done. Back to my to-do list. Happy September and Happy Labor Day!

Backwards

Yes, my A-musing blog is my homepage again to mix things up and the Clairvoyant Runner blog has been neglected right along with my website. But hey, it’s summertime and who wants to spend time indoors on the computer? Who doesn’t want to use excuses to play more too? Whatever it takes. Seriously.

Actually I have a had a lot going on and excuses blend with real reasons that melt into the fact that my intentions are always good. I intended to have hoop dance gatherings on the weekends but somehow time just keeps flying by. There’s so much I love and I always feel like I’m juggling balls of wants, needs and loves along with responsibility, chores and work. Endless juggling.

And gardening. I’ve been growing more edible and medicinal plants this year and that takes more time too. Life is so full and I still have aspirations for becoming a bestselling author someday yet my books have taken a backseat to life in the moments. It’s hard to say no when I want to say yes. Yes to life outside with friends and family when the weather is so lovely. Hiking season doesn’t last forever.

I digress… speaking of work… the dinghy cover patterning was good yesterday and i got a lot of items on my list done… but there’s more to do. So why am i writing another blog post while i drink my coffee?

Because my website renewed for another year and my credit card sent me a text early this morning checking to make sure it wasn’t fraudulent activity. I didn’t delete this website that I am unhappy with the design of because I’m promising to make changes. Changes can only occur when I keep the ones i wish to see on my radar which means paying attention and blogging more again. You get what you pay for and pay for what you get? I dunno but I’m doing the best i can and hoping that life will keep leading me in the right direction.

I had the most profound dream last night that just flashed into my mind… something to do with #0000. Woah… the details are hazy at the moment but I gotta look up that angel number.

Anyway, if you read this far…. Thank you. I love you. And I hope you have a lovely Monday!

Joy

Life After Life?

I wrote this and shared it on Facebook two years ago after I had commented on a friend's post about trash on the beach and the general disregard for our actions in relation to the environment in which we live. I thought I would share to my blog since I still see this topic being relevant. Especially after just having finished reading the book “Life Before Life” by Jim B. Tucker.

"I was thinking about something related to this last night. If anyone believes in re-incarnation which there is plenty of evidence in my opinion to support as being true. Then people can no longer shirk responsibility for pollution because they don't have kids and are going to die at some point. When people realize they're coming back into whatever they leave behind in this lifetime maybe that's a better motivator to take action this time around and leave a better legacy for their potential future selves." I thought I would share here too because this is a bigger topic.

Why wouldn't we choose to believe that we have multiple lifetimes? It's empowering to know that we have multiple opportunities in multiple ways for experiencing life on earth as human beings. Therefore, why don't we choose to feel empowered and make better choices for our current selves within each moment knowing that we are shaping the future with each step we take. And not only are we shaping the future for ourselves and our possible future selves, we are creating the reality that we all share with each other for each other so why wouldn't we want to make that the best possible reality we can make it? Why procrastinate or figure someone else will fix it or do it for us?

Why give up the power that we have in our daily actions and in our daily moment by moment choices once we become aware that we have a choice?

And that is the pivotal point, we have to become aware first that we get to choose and then be aware of our choices. Which I understand is at times very challenging when most of us run on automatic and have been trained to give up and hand over our power as if we actually have no choice. But we do have a choice and we can at least use our voice to to either ask or express what we feel our options are to choose from. Everything is inextricably linked whether or not we are aware of it being so. So let's help each other raise our awareness.

Thank you for sharing this world with me. 💞

Plead The 5th of May

I’m drinking really strong tea made with whole cone Amarillo Hops and organic raw honey. Yes, I’m seeking the intoxicating relaxation that often comes with consuming a large amount of hops. The taste is bitter and sweet with a spicy afterburn that runs from my tongue all the way into my belly. It’s good and not for everyone.

So it’s been awhile since I’ve posted here… I know and do you know why? Life is complicated, full of distractions and when the weather is good I just want to be outside. I’ve been wanting a garden and planting things this year… speaking of… I need to get some hops to plant out there too. And… the hops from the tea are in me and I feel the sweet body bliss easing the aches away.

Yay! Now what was I going to say? I just had my 36th birthday and life is tripping me up. I thought I knew what I was doing and where I was going but it turns out there’s no way of knowing how it’s all going to work out. I just hope it’s better than I can imagine and sooner than I think. Because sometimes this life makes me want to drink again. Over 3.5 years sober and my brain has changed but a lot of my habits are still the same. I’m constantly going, my mind flowing with ideas and dreams while I feel like I’ll burst at the seams, so I seek ways to relax and get out of my own head. And now it’s time for bed.

But I love to write so I should make it a goal to spend more time putting thoughts into form. I will try. I will do. Thank you.

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Slow Learner

I used to think I was a quick learner but now I wonder if I’m slower than I thought. I give myself too much credit and not enough credit at the same time.

An enigmatic anomaly?

Are you as confused as me right now? I hope not.

Happy Love Day

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It’s another wildly commercialized holiday today and we get to choose whether or not to celebrate it. In my humble opinion we should choose to celebrate every single day! Life is short so why not celebrate it as much as we can and focus on the love? It doesn’t have to be only on holidays however if you feel you need an excuse to show and/or tell someone you love them then today is the day to do it.

The history of “Valentine’s Day”, like so many of the holiday’s we celebrate, is dark and murky. It’s hard to say exactly how it originated and the truth could possibly be a lie anyway. Why not just take it for what it has become as a day for love? There is no time like the present and the beauty of being human is that we get to assign whatever personal meaning we want to our own experiences.

We also tend to prove ourselves right whether we know it or not. What stories have you told yourself about this “Holiday” and how do those stories affect the way you feel? Is it possible you could change those stories to something else that makes you feel different- good or bad? Shift your focus maybe, from one bad experience to one good one or from what you don’t want to what you actually do want.

I used to tell myself that “Valentine’s Day” sucks. I held on to the memories I had of unfulfilled hopes for romance and expectations from partners that left me with feelings of general disappointment. Many times all I felt was sadness on a holiday that is supposed to be full of love.

One thing I have learned the hard way for sure, is how to love myself enough that all that other shit doesn’t matter. I proved myself right long enough to know that I don’t want to repeat that story anymore. I’ve had enough of the personal suffering from expecting to be disappointed. I choose to expect that today is another day and Love is always something worth celebrating. I don’t need chocolates or roses or sparkly gifts but I love them and it’s okay to love those things too so long as they don’t determine my happiness level.

So I wish you a very Happy Love Day today!

Cedar Tree Wedgie

Here I am wedged between tall dreams, the scent of sacred cedar lingers in my memory.

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I finished reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert last night and had a revelation!

Thanks Elizabeth!

The words struck me like giant hail balls and I said Hail YES to the idea that I am destined to create regardless of the outcome. I don’t do the things I do because I want to make money or gain recognition, (well sometimes I do because it seems I still need money to survive in this world these days) I make things because I have to or I will go insane. As a creative person I literally have to write and paint and hoop and make videos and create things to share with the world.

I have to dispel the energy that the muses of the unseen world hurl at me on a daily basis. It’s part of being psychic, I can’t ignore the ideas that are constantly vying for my attention!

Besides, there already seems to be enough darkness in the world and I want to make it lighter. I want to celebrate the beauty and the joy. I want to focus on what is good and what is going right.

In fact I have to focus on the bright side or I may just cease to exist. Some people call people like me light-workers and it is indeed a challenging path to walk whether or not we choose to be defined by this so-called new age terminology. I can’t help but create things. I can’t help but focus on that which I want to see in the world. I don’t need recognition, I just need freedom. Freedom to do what inspires me to be alive. How else am I going to be able to spend my time? What else is worth living for if not art, creations and the beauty of nature?

Perfect Mirror

This blog is my personal musings. Today I was just thinking about how my current partner, the guy I consider the literal "Man of my dreams", is seriously a perfect mirror for me. This is one of those "Twin Flame" relationships that are beyond comprehension at times. I'm not sure about most of our other lifetimes together however I'm sure that we've been working on our relationship since the beginning of time. I knew it when I first saw him but I didn't know what it was exactly. 

I suppose having a perfect mirror that reflects our deepest fears as well as the beauty of our soul is the best way to evolve on many levels. Which also means highly challenging and not for the faint of heart. When we choose this type of relationship experience it's usually because it's the only way for us to get beyond ourselves in this seemingly concrete and physical world.

Having a perfect counterpart show us the things we have to work on within ourselves with a reflection from outside ourself being something we can not easily ignore. I wouldn't change it for the world and the fact is that knowing what kind of relationship this is, is helpful.

The awareness that I have of the nature of "Twin Flame" relationships makes it easier to understand why certain bits are the way they are. It also helps me to attempt to deal with my own fears and insecurities rather than ignore them because he most beautiful part of this type of relationship is that when we heal within ourself it usually is soon reflected in our partner. For me that is even more of a motivator to do the inner work necessary to move forward and grow.

Where is the line?

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The boundary line between destiny and manifestation is obscure. As a clairvoyant I can still be in denial. There are things I know that I resist. Things I want to believe but still doubt. The best way to predict the future is to create it however it seems ones ability to create is limited by certain factors outside of ones control. There is luck involved. There is some form of greater awareness directing parts of each and every life to fulfill some sort of divine design. How? What? Why? Where is the guidebook and the rules? 

I didn't get what I was hoping for and I am doing my best to stay positive, trying to believe there is something better in store for me but what? I bit off all of my fingernails tonight. I had thought I had finally managed to stop for good, my nails were nice and long, then, within 4 minutes they were all gone. It does make it easier to type. Sigh... what am I supposed to do now? The signs keep saying one thing, my intuition keeps confirming and my brain keeps saying WTF while my ego desperately wants to knock me down and kick my ass. Honestly, I'm in a strange space...

Regardless, it's time to get to work. I have a large, beautiful upholstery project to finish and then books to finish and self-publish. I even finally listened to another song I wrote, (well, I recorded it in a moment of inspiration) and I think it's worth writing down and learning. I gotta keep moving forward. I know I am still so blessed but this not getting the book deal with Hayhouse has messed with my head. Another valuable lesson to learn I'm sure. Either way this may be the last daily blog post for awhile. I have to spend time on the projects that will provide some income so I can keep doing all these fabulous things I love.

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Anyway, I'm done streaking for now. I finished all of the French Lessons on Duolingo and that means I've written 92 blog posts in the last 92 days (including the one after midnight- I wrote another that morning to make up for it.) This is quite an accomplishment I think and I know some day everything else will make more sense to me. Hindsight is something else I will have to look forward to. For now I'll end this 92nd blog post with Doreen Virtues "Angel Numbers 101" description of the number 92 because I just wrote it three times and it hit me I should look it up. Here's what it says: "As you keep the faith that everything is unfolding perfectly with your Divine life purpose, you more clearly see and understand the steps that are best for you to take."

Thanks Doreen.

I'll do my best to keep the faith.