Facing Fear
I'm finally facing my fear. I'm putting myself out there, I am making myself vulnerable and it's incredibly scary. It's hard to admit but I have been afraid to remember why I am here even though all the signs keep making it very clear. I have been completely terrified to speak the truth that I know in my heart because I have wanted to fit in my whole life. I want to belong and feel safe as a human being in a very real, very physical world that we are taught to believe in and believe that is all there is to it. I wanted a simple life with easy answers, I wanted to believe what people I love very much told me was true. I wanted to be okay with what is socially acceptable, what is normal. I don't want to be abandoned because I am so... different.
How do you accept the responsibility of having a choice to believe something different? Not just one or two options but a real, true choice to either believe in what everyone else tells you or to believe in what you tell yourself? It's scary as hell and I fought it for so long. I didn't want to let it out. It was written in my palm clear as day. I'm scared that people won't like me once they find out. My beliefs may in fact make people very angry because in challenging what someone believes to be true it can seem to threaten their very existence and cause someone to feel as if they are losing control. It could be dangerous to speak out and tell people they have a choice. Some people may take what I have to say in the wrong way.
We all are after-all human beings prone to misinterpretation based on the fact that our physical bodies have real physical needs. I understand that. I understand a lot that I have yet to figure out how to put into words and get out there. I know a its possible you are reading this right now and want to write me off as crazy. Sometimes I want to write myself off as crazy but I know now that it is only an excuse for not accepting the responsibility of the role I play and of the power I have. Too many times I have kept my mouth shut out of fear only to have it backfire. I know now that there is no other way. The clock is ticking and we all have our unique missions to accomplish in the grand scheme so why keep trying to avoid what we know needs to happen.
It's time for us all to open our mouths and speak up. And I mean we need to speak up from a place of love and connection not out of fear. Human beings are inherently good, we all have the capacity to do such wonderful and amazing things when we operate from a certain level. We are incredible creatures with so much talent and it's important to focus on all the creations that have come into existence and have made our lives immensely better (and more comfortable) because of people who were not afraid to stand up and be different. So I know I must be strong and maintain my courage because what I have to share in the future many people may find challenging to accept. And I will be grateful to all the people who I know will instantly resonate with the information and perspective I have to share. Thank you.
And this doesn't mean all business nor does it need to be so scary or serious. We are meant to enjoy this life... it truly is a gift to experience and the things we can do are endless. Life is supposed to be fun and we are supposed feel happy.
Overwhelmed
Today I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. Sometimes it all just seems like too much. Most days I feel centered and able to cope with whatever comes my way but today I want to curl up into a little ball and sleep it off. However that is not an option for the part of me that still wants to fight for every second I have available. There are so many items on my list of things to do and the clock just keeps ticking. A salt crystal lamp is emitting a gentle glow in my office as I eek out the words for this blog post. I'm sure I am not the only person who is feeling a bit defeated today by circumstances beyond control. Let us all have faith and trust that everything will be okay no matter what happens in the future or what has occurred in the past. If we each remain present to the fact that there is more to this life than we are taught to believe and appreciate the good things then the future will work itself out. And hopefully this feeling of overwhelm will dissipate.
Dynamic Hands
Apparently theres a whorl in my moon... if there's any validity to what that is supposed to mean then a lot of things make even more sense. What I'm referring to is related to Palmistry otherwise known as Palm reading- the art of interpreting a persons character based on the shape and the lines in their hands. More specifically my experience last night was a type of science-based and well-researched method of interpretation from the Institute for Integrative Hand Analysis which I learned about direct from Roberta Coker of Hand Dynamics. For more in-depth information about this subject please visit Roberta's website. This 3-hour event was hosted at Simply Spirit with Jill Miller and was attended by a large group of diverse & beautiful people looking for some insight into the deeper meaning their lives.
Well, I definitely received some powerful insight into what my hands potentially represent for me as a human being with a soul mission. I would actually love to learn more about this method of interpretation and be able to use it to assist in helping people uncover some core truths about themselves. Roberta is actively teaching others how to use these techniques and is having a 3-day workshop in Vancouver, BC this weekend. I will be racing a J111 in Round The County (sailing a 36' boat as quickly as possible around the San Juan Islands) this weekend so attending that workshop is not an option for me. And not only that I have already committed to a year of Clairvoyance training with Jill which I believe with help me learn a different method for providing the same kind of insights that hand analysis/palmistry does. They both require a certain level of intuition in order to make sense of what the symbols represent. Having the life path number 11 already gives me that hyper-intuitive edge that I'm really just beginning to discover and actually trust in.
This whorl in my moon that I found out about last night is like a fingerprint on my palm. Unlike the lines on our hands which constantly change based on our life experiences, our fingerprints are unique, distinct and do not change. My lovely friend Pamela Leslie gave me a pretty profound palm reading just for fun one night many years ago and I have been paying attention to my hands ever since. I keep watching the lines shift and move on both hands, I've even decided to take a picture of them once a year on April Fools day (no kidding- it's just a good holiday to trigger a reminder), therefore I am doing my own limited research on the subject. I've always had this feeling like the palms are a type of roadmap that can tell us where we've been and how to get to where we want to go. I highly recommend learning anything you can about this intensely interesting method of self-discovery. At the same time we all must remember to trust our own intuition because we are the only ones who know ourselves best and when something doesn't resonate within us there is usually good reason for it.
However, the wisdom I received from Roberta in the quick examination of my hands in this group setting was exactly what I had hoped for. Confirmation that what I have been sensing in my inner world is for real. It's written on the palm of my hand and I have concrete evidence that I can look at when the self-doubt inevitably will knock on the door. Being aware of that means that next time I can choose not to let the self-doubt in and keep moving forward with my plans. I have written several blog posts and no matter how hard I try I can not help but bring some spiritual aspects into everything I do. I'm finally willing to accept that deeply spiritual part of myself and fearlessly let it out into the open with a solid grounded perspective (I am a Taurus after all). Ultimately I truly feel a deep sense of gratitude for everyone for we exist as mirrors for each other, reflecting lessons we could not learn any other way. It's amazing to me to see clearly the interconnectedness of it all and at some point I hope to share a vision I have for our future. We all have our unique roles to play in the grand scheme of this great gift called "life" here on planet Earth. Thank you all for existing.
Gaining Momentum
Doggone it! Some days are better than others but I finally feel like I'm gaining some momentum here. I'm learning how to use SquareSpace to create my website and in the process I'm beginning to redefine myself and figure out what direction my business is heading. At the same time I'm getting more familiar and finally falling in love with my Mac after being a PC person for so many years. The possibilities in this earth-realm really are infinite therefore requiring me to do a bit of soul-searching to determine my true passions and find ways to share my abilities coherently. I feel so incredibly grateful to have so many options and I appreciate having the patience while I sort it all out. I know it will all be worth it in the end, even when my threshold is pushed to the point where all I can do is sleep it off and start fresh the next day.
Severe Weather
It was super windy in the beautiful Pacific Northwest area yesterday and today is supposed to get even windier. If you're a sailor you know the forces of wind & water love to test dock-lines and fenders, tug on headsails that have been left furled on their forestays (my friend Count Enrico just mentioned something about taking his sail down during a calm dry-patch today) and I hope everyone has properly prepared their boats and themselves for the mini-typhoon that is predicted to strike this evening. Someone posted on Facebook a few days ago that West Marine was running out of dock lines and that the store shelves were running out of bottled water. It is certainly a good idea to be prepared for whatever may come our way and double up on any supplies that are necessary to keep our vessels and ourselves safe.
The power went out in multiple locations yesterday as trees were pushed beyond their limits by the first wave of strong winds. Fortunately there are people out there working through the storm to get the power back on quickly so we can all enjoy continue to enjoy the luxuries of having electricity coursing through the wires of our lives. It's lovely that human beings are adaptable, durable and highly versatile, when it really comes down to our core capabilities its amazing what we can deal with. I'm very grateful for all of you and the important parts that you play in making (and helping to keep) this world a happy, healthy and comfortable place even in inclement weather. I sincerely Thank You!
However wonderful we are, humans can be just as unpredictable as the weather and sometimes no matter how many times we check the forecast when we look out the window or step outside it's a completely different picture. We are not separate from the environment or the weather no matter how much we try to be, our walls may protect us from the elements but they still affect us in a myriad of ways. Just like the moon has a gravitational pull on the water and causes changes in the tides, when the winds whip up and the rains pour down we feel it and are affected by it on many levels.
Speaking of the Moon, it's full tomorrow which means on top of the stormy feelings blowing around theres an extra level of intensity. I mention this in the hope that we will all increase our awareness of the multitude of factors that affect our lives and therefore our actions. Everything is really so intimately connected, we are all co-creating this life and this thing that we call reality so let's make it the most awesome version we can imagine. Let's continue to help each other through the severe weather while maintaining the mindfulness that we are all in this together.
20/20 Vision
Better than 20/20 vision, I really want to see clearly. Not only do I feel it is important to have good eye-sight, physically, I think it is equally valuable to have spiritual, mental and emotional clarity. Clairvoyance means Clear-Sight and another year long training program starts tonight at Simply Spirit . After completing the 8-weeks of Clairvoyance 101 with Jill Miller last spring I was eager to learn more about all of the aspects of inner-visual clear-sightedness. I've always been sensitive to energy and highly intuitive. Abilities which have both helped and hindered me in various ways throughout the years. For the past 10 years or so I have been very focused on the physical aspects of this thing we call reality and that is partially because that has been the most "socially acceptable" thing to do. Needless to say, ignoring these other non-physically tangible aspects of reality did not work very well for me.
Suddenly re-directed down the path I was on before I turned 21, this past year has been en-lightening to say the least. There is so much more to this life than what we are conventionally let to believe. We are simply (amazingly complicated) spirits animating these very physical (crazy human) bodies in order to learn from this earthly experience. We all are intimately connected in more ways than we can imagine with our currently-conditioned minds. There have always been things I just know with out knowing how I know them and I'm only beginning to learn to trust in that unknown source of valuable information. When I don't listen to that little voice called intuition I end up kicking myself and I understand sometimes its hard to hear that voice clearly enough to trust it on a consistent basis. Another reason why I believe the classes at Simply Spirit will help me hone my latent skills.
I believe everyone has so much untapped potential and I want to help myself live up to my potential so I can help others grasp theirs. We are all connected therefore I know that just by the act of helping myself I am helping the collective in unseen ways (yet I want to be able to do so much more). My main goal in life is to be happy, that may seem silly but why are we here on earth if not to find and maintain happiness? This life is a gift and I want everyone to be able to not only know what will make them truly happy but also to be able to take action towards true happiness. Its part of the reason why we are here, lets not waste any more time suffering from the illusion that we must suffer. We can choose happiness and it all starts with that inner clarity. Finding that piece of the puzzle where we fit perfectly to make the big beautiful picture complete. Like the cows standing in the lush green Skagit valley pasture looking at me as I used my camera to freeze that moment in time, that picture would not be complete without their presence. It takes each of us to be present for the big picture to become clear.
Thanks for listening to me attempt to put into words that which is at times very illusive to me. I was dreaming about cows last night and woke up thinking, "I LOVE COWS!". Of course I then looked up the symbolism for cows on my favorite symbolism site which basically says that cows represent mother earth as a symbol of fertility, nurturing and power. So I'm thinking its related to the fact that my mind is a fertile ground for nurturing the seed of potential power to make the world a kinder, more gentler place. I'm very thankful for the existence of cows, not only do they make me happy when I see them, I love all the cheesy-goodness they provide us physically and symbolically. I'll try to keep this blog updated with the latest and greatest things I'm learning in class as it progresses and hopefully the some of the seeds I'm planting here will blossom into beautiful flowers we can all enjoy.
Equinox
Tomorrow is the Equinox which means that Autumn has officially arrived in the Pacific Northwest. The days will continue to get cooler and shorter as the leaves get brighter and leave splashes of color wherever they fall. The wind will begin to howl more often than it does in the summer as the the fronts roll through intent on stripping the trees clean before winter arrives. The first snow already dusted the mountain peaks this past weekend and the rains have increased the speed of the rivers and streams. As the dark hours increase I'm sure I will be spending more and more time on this blog, working on my website and writing those books that have been asking to be written.
I have to admit though, today I laid out in the sun for a couple hours in my bikini to top off my vitamin D stores before it's too cold to do so anymore. However I am looking forward to feeling productive in this indoor part of the world. I have so many dreams of awesome things I can create that I get a little overwhelmed at times. Speaking of dreams, and awesome things, my newest interest has been Lucid Dreaming. With the days getting shorter the hours I spend in bed are increasing too but it's not wasted time (I assure you, it's not ;). I have started a dream journal and already I feel like I'm getting close to becoming aware when within the dream state. It's exciting to imagine all those possibilities as well. According to new neuroscience, studies are showing that training within a lucid dream state can improve similar functions in the waking state. And I plan to do a lot of running while dreaming once I figure out how it all works.
Speaking of running, the cooler days are much more conducive to long runs and strength training. My first race of Fall 2016 is this Saturday and it's also my first official 25K. I've completed one full marathon, multiple half-marathons (13.1 miles), several 10K's (two of which I received 1st place just this year!) and plenty of 5k's. I hope to do another marathon soon and so the Baker Lake 25k is kinda like my warm up for it. 15.6 miles one way on the East shore of Baker Lake. It's one of my favorite trails with lush mossy carpets and massive old growth trees. I've only ever hiked parts of it and in a few days I get to run the whole darn thing (within a few hours). I'm getting excited, can you tell? Oh, and what's even better is my Mom is doing the race too! She's a lean mean(actually she's super sweet), hiking machine and she has also always wanted to go the full length of the trail so this is the perfect opportunity.
Anyway I could spend hours rambling on but I'm getting hungry and that organic grass-fed beef stir-fry isn't going to cook itself.
Thanks for reading my blog and for being who you are. Love to you all!
Birdbrain
What? The definition of "birdbrain" is a stupid person? That's kinda offensive. I just have this bird on my brain. It's a laughing Kookaburra, a member of the Kingfisher family that lives in Australia. Searching for a subject to paint I asked a special someone for an idea and it led me to this. The watercolor painting is not finished yet but I had just downloaded a couple new app's and had to test them out. This one is a picture I took of the painting that was modified with Prisma. Super fast it turned into another cool artistic version of this bird. I saved multiple modifications made within the app and this is one of my favorites. I am consistently amazed at the things people come up with and how fast technology is progressing. There's an app for just about everything these days. And I'm trying to keep up with the trends now that I'm back in the artistic version of myself. I am hoping to mesh my art with technology to improve my skills and share my work. I love all the possibilities for artistic creations.
Speaking of which I have a great idea for a series called, "Painting with Joy" that I'm working on. Actually Bob Ross is one of my Hero's and I still watch his "Joy of Painting" videos on YouTube. He taught me a lot about painting and some great techniques but most importantly that attitude is everything, "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents". I'd like to share my version of that philosophy in this series that I'm envisioning in my mind. He was an extremely talented artist and I only hope that my skills are acceptable in comparison. I am a bit camera shy but I've started to practice recording myself. The editing process will take time and then I just have to gather up the courage to upload and share what I have created. It's on my long list of stuff to do and the first step is being taken right now. The fact that this idea is written right here and will be published shortly means I have to do it because I just said I am going to. Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy what I have to share. It's just another step in my goal of meshing art with technology even though sometimes I feel like a Birdbrain in the process.
Starting Over
All blog posts before this one were a bit random and at times deeply esoteric. They were all created in wordpress and before I really had a sense of direction with my writing. Instead of deleting them all I'm creating a starting over point here. If you go back into the the archives you have been forewarned that what you may find could be startling or confusing. We only find where we are going by learning from where we have been so I'm keeping the old to create a benchmark. Thanks for bearing with me in this process and not giving up on the possibility that I have things to say that you want to read about. I'm looking forward to getting this website up and rolling even if that means spending hours in my office or laying in bed with this MacBook on my lap. I'm stubborn and determined to organize and make sense of the jam-packed world of ideas and potential swirling around in my mind. I just have to be patient with the learning process and accept that perfection is sometimes found in taking actions without self-critical over-thinking.
Strange Dreams
Last night I had some strange dreams. One minute I was at some school on a cargo ship where I had agreed to learn how to scuba dive even though I was scared of feeling claustrophobic while breathing tanked air underwater. Next I found myself in a remote airplane hanger with a mechanic working on something and I set my external charger down hoping to remember it but leaving it there as we tested the plane flying from one mountain peak into the next. Then thinking I was going to die as it appeared we were about to lose altitude and slam into the sheer face of rock. The plane was in disrepair yet we landed roughly in another airplane hanger inside another massive mountain. Then I was searching for restrooms at a park but they were all too dirty to use, later I found one up on what looked like a cliff in Ireland with the most beautiful view out the back door. I was sitting on the toilet with the door cracked open for the view thinking of how crazy the location was as I awoke suddenly and ran to the bathroom with full bladder urgency while feeling super groggy and disoriented. I tumbled back into bed and fell back asleep wondering if the mechanic had found my external charger and if I would ever get it back or thinking maybe he needed it for something. Then trying to search on my phone in dreamland (which usually doesn't work very well) to see if there was a world record for the largest group of people swimming all at one time (with no success) and still imagining all the students jumping off the cargo ship school into the ocean and forming a large circle holding hands to set some record I hoped didn't exist yet. Strange. Glad I woke up just in time to relieve myself. Technology has definitely infiltrated my dreamland and I'm perplexed by the vividness of such random scenarios.
Illusions
Seeing beyond the material illusions and feeling the truth that everything really is ultimately just energy. I wonder why it takes so long to see clearly and is so easy to slip back into the slumber of mistaken perception. I am finally taking full responsibility for creating my reality and I'm finding there are loopholes, back doors and hidden passage ways I was not aware of previously. I'm grateful and feel very blessed to learn more about my soul during this lifetime on schoolhouse earth. Patience & persistence, awareness & compassion, truth & love. Inventing new ways in my imagination that may help to release humans from the illusion of separation & eliminate fear.
We are are more connected in physical ways then we have been in (current accepted) recorded history. The entire world is in my hand right now as I connect to the vast network at my fingertips. Words are powerful and I intend to use them to uplift and enlighten. We are the universe perceiving itself from a beautiful mosaic of matter created by energy in motion fractured into millions of bits to experience the vast possibilities of existence. The implications are mind blowing and we have the ability to change the world by changing our minds. The universe has our back because it is us. We just have to wake up and enjoy the experience. Life is amazing. Thank you all for existing.