Whether the Weather

Ready for whatever the weather is doing whether or not I'd prefer one way over another. Variety works for me and with my umbrella hat I can shoot in the rain.

Uh... why is my laptop so hot right now? Wow! I'm kinda cold so it feels good but it can't be good. Could backing up my phone be causing that much heat?

I'm distracted, can you tell? I have been all day. I've still been paying attention to how I am making daily choices however... mostly out of love but I'm still fighting my fears.  

Oh and last night something made me look up Wayne Dyer and seeing his birthday made me think to look up his life path number. Take a wild guess? 11. Yeah. His life gives me hope for my own life with having that life path number.

I really do just want to make the world a better place.

I want everyone to be happy and healthy equally.

Spreading Love & Joy.

But I'm human too,

LOOK a squirrel!

Just kidding, the point is, I get distracted sometimes.

Today is one of those days.

Love Lights

I was afraid that would happen... and it did. Silly me, I should know better than to manifest what I don't want. Nobody showed up to hoop with me last night.

The 2nd and 4th Monday of every month at 7:30pm I grab armfuls of hoops and head down to the Center for Mindful Use. I usually just wing it since it's a free offering and usually people show up to hoop. It's actually quite fun and I really enjoy the whole experience. However this is the 2nd time now that no-one showed up. 

The truth is I kinda have this nagging fear that I'm not good enough but I love it so I do it anyway. I'm working on building up my experience to shift that belief towards a more empowering outlook. With the awareness I have been steadily increasing I can see how I'm still pretty good at creating my reality haphazardly so I do my best not to take it personal. I understand full well that it takes time to enact real change. To be able to maintain a deeper level of self understanding that comes with looking at how personal programming through individual life experiences affects beliefs and thus personal tendencies. Then being vigilant while choosing consciously to change those habits.

Last night was still a success even though no one came to hoop. I had a lovely, inspiring chat with Mike Hiestand who created the beautiful space that is the Center for mindful use. Fortunately he appeared happy to have the opportunity to go home early so it worked out for both of us. He closed up and I made the most of my trip downtown by walking over to the Depot Market Square and having a nice little hoop session with my brand new red SuperHooper LED hoop. I've been wanting an LED hoop for a long time and the fact that it arrived in the mail just before my scheduled hoop class was perfect. All I wanted to do was play with it. So I did. And it was fun. It turned out to be a perfect evening anyway. 

Starting in the 2018 I will be making a more concerted effort to promote this super fun Monday night hooping option. I know how to do it, I just haven't done it yet. And on top of that, with everything else, I will continue to stay aware and focus on what I want to see happen in my life, (not what I don't want.) I want to see more people enjoying the art of hoop dance and the freedom of movement that occurs with these sacred circles. 

Eye Sea

Eye am not sure what to write about today...

I sea all the items on my task list and my mind wanders. Mixed emotions of love and fear surround the wishes in my imagination. The dualism prevalent in this life on spaceship earth this time has enraptured my attention. Mind versus Matter, Spirit and Body, Heart and Soul. 

I am strong, I am enough, I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am capable, I am what I am.

Wishing I was more, learning how to be, wanting to be free... 

Free from feeling like I have to make money, free from having to prove myself to myself. Free from the struggle that makes me question my worth and my abilities.

I tell myself one thing, I am strong, but before long some voice from the past reaches into my serenity claiming I am weak as I haven't done enough yet today. What did you say?

I must not listen, I know it's not me. I know me, I am strong but I fear only as strong as I choose to feel when I believe in the spirit within me. The power of my personal awareness that I am more than this human body with these eyes that I see when I look in the mirror.

Eye know I must choose love and not fear.

Eye know yet I struggle to believe.

Fearless Falcon

The fearless falcon flies high in the sky embracing the winds of change. As symbol for rising above the challenging situations of our lives by looking at the bigger picture. We spread our wings flying up to that higher place within ourselves where we know that there's more to this life than meets the eye.

There is meaning and purpose to the way we feel and the actions we take everyday. Part of us knows the reasons we do the things we do and why we are here in this life at this time and place. Realizing it's part of our soul growth to not know it all and knowing that we're here partly just because we love the sensation of flying.  We love this planet and all of the things this physical world brings.

Be fearless my friends and take to the sky within, let your heart soar because it will open doors you hadn't seen before.

Powerful Perspective

Choosing our perspective is a super powerful move. When we shift the way we see things on the inside it changes the way things look on the outside. Just like a trail in the mountains, you can worry about the journey, struggle over the elevation gain and decide that its way too much work to keep going but when you think about it and realize that at some point you're going to get a clear view of the whole beautiful thing it's much more manageable to take those steps.

We can choose to have an empowering perspective in our life. We the people only have as much power as we are willing to own and use. The beauty of life is our free-will! Free will is the ability to choose. Most of us believe others, who have told us throughout our lives we don't have a choice in certain circumstances yet the truth is that we actually do if only we choose to believe we do. So why wouldn't we just take that first step & choose to believe we might possibly have that kind of power? 

No matter how hard it may seem, no matter how long the hike may take, think about the scenery you'll see along the way if you choose to go there. Push past the fear and act out of love, love for whatever it may be that you really love and know that you deserve it. We have the power to make our lives more amazing than we can currently imagine if we each just own up to the fact that we have the power and some of that power lies in our personal perspective which is malleable. We can choose to be the ones who shape it with our own hearts and our own minds. 

Love Hops

Have no fear, hops are here! Do you ever have trouble falling asleep at night? Do you toss and turn as your head spins in circles thinking about all kinds of things? Things that would be better if they waited until tomorrow to hijack your attention but you can't seem to stop them?

I often find that I need help and have found a good clean way to relax before bed. However it is a very bitter remedy, so it's not for everyone. I used to love a good strong Northwest style IPA but being a gluten-free non-alcoholic person these days my new go to chill drink is Hop tea.

Oh yeah, it's strong but with a good scoop of local honey it's a dream come true. Literally, a nice cup before bed and soon I'm off to dreamland. For some reason my mind isn't able to hold me hostage in a wakeful state after drinking it. My body relaxes too and that sweet feeling of drifting off kicks in sooner than on nights when I go without it.

Life is rough when we don't get enough sleep. You may be afraid of what this IPA hop tea tastes like, it's definitely an acquired taste but if you love sleep like me you outta try it sometime. It feels so good.

Love & Anger

What is the opposite of anger anyway? Apathy? Or Peace?

Emotions are never cut and dry, they all have so many variables. We can be very angry at the ones we love the most, we can be angry because we love someone or something. What is this thing called anger and why do we have to feel it? I personally do not like this emotion though I am learning to accept it as a natural part of life. It's good to recognize it when it erupts like a fire in the belly and can make a person act out of character. We must always remember to look at the root cause of our anger and accept ourselves regardless of the why. We are designed this way for a reason, part of our internal guidance system, meant to help steer us in the direction we most want to go.

I would love to feel peaceful all the time, to be emotionally unresponsive to the things that happen in life that make me angry (but are beyond my control). The only control I have is how I react and if I get mad at myself at the same time for getting angry and then try to stop my emotions, it's a sure recipe for trouble. It all comes back to that awareness. Remembering to be present with the emotions instead of distracting ourselves from them or going on automatic and acting out.

Why am I angry? Really, honestly, and how can I constructively use this energy to direct my life for the better? There are a lot of options if I take a moment to breathe and consider them all. Running is one good way to off some steam and process. Another good way is to write it out and process it with words. I can already feel the anger dissipating with my acknowledgement and acceptance of it. We get angry for reasons sometimes and it's okay, it's what we do with it that makes the difference. 

Love Shadow

Snowshoeing today up to Huntoon Point in the Mount Baker wilderness.

It's imperative to learn to love our shadow side. Only when we learn to love the darker aspects of ourselves will we have the courage to really shine our light. Living in a dualistic world the contrast is what allows us to see clear. Physical vs spiritual, dark vs light, and love vs fear. We must have both to know the opposite and to have a choice. That's what life is about, making choices and sometimes the only difference between good and bad is our judgment. Awareness is the key. 

Selling Books

#Gagbot Quotes and #Prisma App modifications hooping with a selfie stick today.

I think one of my biggest fears is actually selling my books. Once I get them done then I have to get them out there and once they're out there I have to be ready to hold my own regardless of the feedback I'll probably get. I know I can't please everyone and if my first book is a success it's scary to think of how many people might read it.

Then the more people that read it the more there may be people who don't like it. It's a vulnerable feeling to allow such an intimate look into how my mind works with regard to my personal experiences and perceptions. 

Writing this blog seems safe currently because there are only a few people who even read it. It's going to be much harder to write here when I have a bigger audience because there will be more at stake. At the same time it's also good that I'm aware of this fear and ready to face it.

That's why it's funny that this Gagbot quote is what popped up in the Prisma app when I was looking for a picture to go with my blog post for today. There's so many other things I could be working toward selling that don't make me feel so vulnerable and scared. At the same time I know they won't be nearly as beneficial or satisfying to complete which is why I'm willing to put myself on the line.

Part of it's not really even the selling that scares me, it's finding out whether or not I'm even good enough to be a successful writer. I'm coaching myself daily and doing my best to get past this. I know it's risky but sometimes the bigger the risk the better the reward. I just hope this is the case when I'm selling books before things. 

Thanks Gagbots & Prisma for inspiring this introspection!

Cold Fears

Sometimes I talk myself out of doing certain activities this time of year because of the temperature. I really don't like to feel cold and I'm always afraid of the Raynaud's phenomenon flaring up during chilly outings. Once again I pushed thru my fear of the cold and we went for an evening bike ride, we were prepared with our lights to ride home in the dark. I dressed warm and it was all good on the way up hill but the cruise down almost made my fingers go numb.

My fingers didn't lose circulation and turn white either, which was great! Sometimes I think I'm winning the battle when the phenomenon doesn't occur for awhile. It's such a strange thing since there's no cure except to stay warm. Regardless I can't and I won't let it stop me from getting outside. The sunset from the interurban trail bridge over Alabama street looking towards Lummi island was gorgeous. It was totally worth feeling the freezing bits of my extremities for a short period of time. I even got a little hooping in. 

Love wins again!

Love & Courage

In honor of the super full moon tonight.

Of course my retired teacher friend would point this out when we were playing a round of disc golf today. He asked about my blog and whether or not there was a theme to it so I explained how I've changed my theme to relate to the title of the book I'm working on. Immediately he said something about how it's dualistic in nature and that its usually opposites- like Love and Hate or Courage and Fear. I was concerned at first that I had made some sort of mistake.

Then it hit me like lightening, the power of words brought clarity into my mind. They are inextricably linked, Love and Courage, Hate and Fear. It helped me to realize how much love has given me the courage to do things far from my comfort zone. Love has inspired me to move past so many of my self-imposed limitations no matter how much it scares me. Love is so much greater than fear and it's still all so relevant to what I'm trying to convey by sharing my intimate story. We all can learn how to consciously choose love in moments where we need courage the most in order to be able to move beyond where we have been. We have so much potential and the truth is that in love, with love, it is, we are, limitless.