Love 11:11

I love seeing 11:11, it's a sign to me that I'm on the right path. I made more choices again today based on love rather than fear. Being more mindful is working better everyday. I slept great last night and woke up this morning excited to go take photos and run GBRC's annual Fairhaven Frosty. I did the 10K last year and chose the 5k this year so I would have more time to take pictures afterward. 

It was very wet but I dressed perfectly for it and cranked the heater in the Highlander on my way home. I love to run and it was so much fun to go to another event where I felt such a grand sense of community. My running family is growing the longer I run and it makes me so happy to be a part of something greater than I'm used to.

Social events of any kind used to really scare me, I didn't know how to handle them so I always felt awkward and uncomfortable. Now, it seems my perspective has helped changed my perception which has changed the way I feel and what I see when I participate in races. Being a photographer for GBRC too, I try to capture the joy of running in these events in order to encourage other people to run and keep running too. I know how much running has really helped me and I only hope that other people find that is the case for them as well. 

Running changed my life and though some days I really don't feel like going for a run I always feel better after I do. Being a part of a running club and having affordable races helps to keep me motivated to not only run but to keep improving my abilities. The more I run races the more I see familiar faces and I believe it helps us all feel more at home here in Bellingham. I love this city and the Pacific Northwest and all the beautiful, amazing, kind, wonderful, happy, intelligent people who share this part of the world with me. I feel very blessed to be here. 

Love > Fear

Yay! Today, love wins the battle. Yes, fear still reared it's ugly head a few times today for me but I think I may be on to something with this specific way of paying attention. I feel good today in spite of only getting about 5 hours of sleep last night. I had a hard time falling asleep and not only woke up extra early, I got going early. I knew I had important things to do today. Like spending some time playing with my Cousin's twins

It wasn't all play, he had a work meeting to attend and had asked for the help I had volunteered previously. I have still never changed a diaper but I did a couple firsts with those adorable little boys today. Helping to feed them was kinda fun too albeit messy. Taking care of kids has always scared me for all kinds of reasons, those tiny humans are a huge responsibility for one. So I'm not sure what it is about these two specific guys but they stole my heart from the first time I met them. They were born too soon and had so much help coming into this life from so many people right from the start. Watching the journey that my cousin and his wife have been through with them is a clear demonstration of the power of love.

Like I said, I've never spent much time around kids so this whole thing is new to me but I absolutely love them and want to help them however I can. The way their unique personalities shine so brightly already it's going to be really fun to continue to watch them and get to know them as they grow up. I'm glad I'm able to help out too, the logistics of having one kid, let alone two at once is mind-boggling to me and I really don't know how people do it. I suppose once again it just goes to show that Love wins. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. If only we can all allow more love in our lives and choose to make decisions based on the expansiveness that only love can bring us.

Fear > Love

Unfortunately today for me, fear was greater than love. As I went about my day I attempted to remain conscious of how I was making my choices and I soon became aware of how often I take action out of fear. First thing this morning I realized that I tend to wake up and stress myself out immediately. I looked at the clock at 9:30 and felt guilty for still being in bed. However being aware of that I then took the time to write in my virtual journal on my phone while trying to sort through the contracting feelings within my chest before moving on to my usual morning routine.

I fell behind on my task list and still made the choice to go to Elements for some hot yoga this afternoon because I love the way yoga makes me feel. With perfect timing the instructor Lauren mentioned at the beginning of class how it's not necessary to hurry, it's important to be present and mindful. Even though I know better I always seem to be in a hurry these days, so much so that sometimes I forget to breathe. Just another reason why yoga is so good for me when I manage to get myself to go. Later as I was dripping with sweat and my mind had wandered off to other things I could be doing, she mentioned paying attention to our bodies and how often we are all afraid of looking within at how we are feeling. It's so true, I often get so caught up in the future I forget to acknowledge why I feel so constricted and then make the choice change it by shifting my focus. Fear caught me again, fear of not doing enough, but I'm the only one keeping score...

Which reminds me of the profound note from the universe I received in my inbox this morning, it said, "There is no scorekeeping Joy. Everyone lives each day for him or herself, no matter what they did. No one owes anything to anyone, no matter what happened. And from this, what I hope you most get, is that whatever you do next, you do it for the joy it brings you.  Rock on, The universe" (If you haven't heard of Mike Dooley and these notes from the universe I highly recommend googling it as soon as you finish reading this post.)

I tried to take it to heart, it sounds so wonderful and I want to believe that it's true but I still have some bad habits to break. I guess its time to step further out of my comfort zone because I'm used to doing things because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't.  And that really sucks because fear seems to stop the feeling of joy in its tracks. I'm just going to keep trying to increase my awareness in each present moment each day until I retrain my brain that it's all ultimately going to be okay, I want to feel Joyful again. Life is supposed to feel good. We are all supposed to feel loved and be happy more often than not.