Eye Sea

Eye am not sure what to write about today...

I sea all the items on my task list and my mind wanders. Mixed emotions of love and fear surround the wishes in my imagination. The dualism prevalent in this life on spaceship earth this time has enraptured my attention. Mind versus Matter, Spirit and Body, Heart and Soul. 

I am strong, I am enough, I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am capable, I am what I am.

Wishing I was more, learning how to be, wanting to be free... 

Free from feeling like I have to make money, free from having to prove myself to myself. Free from the struggle that makes me question my worth and my abilities.

I tell myself one thing, I am strong, but before long some voice from the past reaches into my serenity claiming I am weak as I haven't done enough yet today. What did you say?

I must not listen, I know it's not me. I know me, I am strong but I fear only as strong as I choose to feel when I believe in the spirit within me. The power of my personal awareness that I am more than this human body with these eyes that I see when I look in the mirror.

Eye know I must choose love and not fear.

Eye know yet I struggle to believe.

Tunnel Vision

The tunnel from the Klipsun Trail that connects to Northridge Park.

Day 2 of my attempt to focus and write something on here every single day.

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Does the struggle ever really end while we are here on earth in these bodies?

These amazing manifestations of flesh and bone animated by our spirits on a journey through time and space in this place of duality. I believe heaven is here on earth so why is it so challenging for us to see it most of the time? This planet is absolutely incredible yet we take it for granted, like we take our bodies for granted, like teenagers take their parents unconditional love for granted.

Why do we continue to assume things are true without questioning them?

Why is it so easy for us to fail to properly appreciate the amazingness of this life we have been given?

I ask myself these questions and continue to wonder what the meaning of it all is. I see the potential in every single living thing yet when it comes to myself often I feel stuck. I get distracted and caught up in old patterns of thought. Just when I think I know better and have figured out a different way of getting work done there's something that manages to get in my way.

I'd love to have all of the answers all of the time. I'd love to be open, honest, kind and compassionate regardless of events that occur in my life but I get mad, I get frustrated, I feel the whole range of stinking emotions and I just have to accept them for now.

I want there to be a light at the end of the tunnel but I don't want to have tunnel vision either. I guess that's why I'm here again, reincarnated into another incredible creation, a body which is just a mass of flesh and bone, animated by this consciousness of spirit, struggling and learning as a separate being that I know is really connected to the whole.

And I'm doing my best not to take it for granted while attempting to change my conditioned mind. Hoping to figure out ways to create more peace and harmony in the world. Doing all I can manage, every single day, by trying to remember to make the choice to believe in something without being able to see it.

In spite of my personal struggle & regardless of the pain I have felt, in spite of what ever social programming I have had. I know there is something more, something better, some way to live this life like it is truly a gift. A gift that all of us are meant to share and enjoy equally. 

So much for writing something short... and something not-so-amusing (but yet it is still a musing of mine;).