Love 11:11
I love seeing 11:11, it's a sign to me that I'm on the right path. I made more choices again today based on love rather than fear. Being more mindful is working better everyday. I slept great last night and woke up this morning excited to go take photos and run GBRC's annual Fairhaven Frosty. I did the 10K last year and chose the 5k this year so I would have more time to take pictures afterward.
It was very wet but I dressed perfectly for it and cranked the heater in the Highlander on my way home. I love to run and it was so much fun to go to another event where I felt such a grand sense of community. My running family is growing the longer I run and it makes me so happy to be a part of something greater than I'm used to.
Social events of any kind used to really scare me, I didn't know how to handle them so I always felt awkward and uncomfortable. Now, it seems my perspective has helped changed my perception which has changed the way I feel and what I see when I participate in races. Being a photographer for GBRC too, I try to capture the joy of running in these events in order to encourage other people to run and keep running too. I know how much running has really helped me and I only hope that other people find that is the case for them as well.
Running changed my life and though some days I really don't feel like going for a run I always feel better after I do. Being a part of a running club and having affordable races helps to keep me motivated to not only run but to keep improving my abilities. The more I run races the more I see familiar faces and I believe it helps us all feel more at home here in Bellingham. I love this city and the Pacific Northwest and all the beautiful, amazing, kind, wonderful, happy, intelligent people who share this part of the world with me. I feel very blessed to be here.
Up to Eleven
A week ago I completed my second ever Olympic Distance Triathlon. In case you're unfamiliar with triathlon lingo, it means, 0.9 miles swimming, 24.8 miles of cycling followed by 6.2 miles of running. Bellingham has had the very popular Lake Padden Triathlon (shorter distance) for years but this was the first annual Lake Whatcom Triathlon. So of course I had to participate and I was even more stoked that I got to choose my bib number. I'm sure you know what number I chose, especially if you looked at the picture already too.
Yes, there in that photo are all of my ribbons and medals from all the 5k's, 10k's, 25k, Half's & a Full Marathon, Sprint & Olympic Distance Triathlons along with my most recent Bib, #11. I don't normally care too much about race bibs but this one is special. This one has my number. I can't tell you how great it was to hear strangers and friends alike calling me Eleven during the race. People who didn't know my name saying things like, "way to go Eleven!" made me smile. Yes, I am an Eleven, my business is called Eleven northwest and my life path number is 11. I've always loved that number as it's repeatedly appeared at distinct moments throughout my lifetime. I was even sailing against a boat named "Goes to Eleven" last Thursday in Bellingham bay. What are the odds? So I'm attempting to figure out how turn the dial up all the way, cranking the volume up to Eleven. Who says we have to stop at 10?
That in itself can be interpreted in so many ways. How do I mean it you say? In all the ways. I'm striving to be the best that I can be. I want to move beyond my fears and reach for the furthest stars I can only imagine in my dreams. That's what I mean. I want to access the untapped potential and really live by my motto, "You have to believe it to see it." I'm working on the believing part, it certainly doesn't happen overnight to change 34 years worth of beliefs built from my life's experiences. But I want to believe that there's more to it and I want to choose what to believe from here forward. More and more science is proving the biology of belief, experiments in the quantum field are demonstrating the power of intention and expectations. Matter follows energy, we are the creators (albeit haphazardly most of the time) because most of us don't realize we are the source of our creations. The creations that show up as "reality" in our lives.
Most of us live our lives on autopilot. We have been trained to think that we don't have as many choices as we do on a lot of very basic levels. And there's lots of reasons for that as well, some good, some not so good, and though I hate to admit, some very very bad reasons. The point is we have to wake up to the fact that no matter how conditioned we have been, no matter where we are at in our lives, we can always choose to believe something different. We can choose to become more aware of how we are living our lives, how our auto-pilot programming is operating and if we decide we don't like the direction "auto" is taking us we can turn it off and take the helm. (Sailor speak taking over, ahem...) In other words we can decide to drive our own car instead of just being the passenger, we can take a right instead of a left more easily when we have our hands on the wheel.
All of it starts with being present enough with ourselves to take responsibility for the lives we are living. If you're happy and life is good, great, keep going, get happier, keep making life better. But if you're not, look deep inside your home computer system and consider upgrading your software that is keeping you locked into the same box doing the same thing. And remember you always have a choice, you have a lot of choices, moment by moment, day by day. The things you think affect the way you feel which affects the way you act and the actions you take and the things you create in your life. Take a moment to really consider this. Life is full of distractions for a reason. A lot of things in life happen for a reason and we always love to prove ourselves right even when we wish we were wrong about something. I know I do, especially when I find myself creating what I don't want, like running down the trail thinking about how much it would suck to step in dog poop and then squish. Aw, shit, why was I thinking about that? Same thing different day, different thing same day... anyway.... the point is to be vigilant and focus on what we do actually want in our lives. Like completing this race in a better place than I did previously.
The first olympic triathlon I competed in I just wanted to be able to finish, so I took it relatively easy and paced myself. I've been taught, "Better safe than sorry". I finished and I wasn't even sore the next day! This triathlon, I really just wanted to finish as well, but I wanted to finish faster than I did last time so I pushed a little harder and I finished faster but I still wasn't even sore the next day. I didn't turn the dial all the way up, I played it safe again. I was still really happy with my finish time and of course I loved not getting hurt from it but I know I can do better. I know I have the potential in me to keep improving in so many ways, if only I can get past my unreasonable fear of getting hurt. If only I can push past my current comfort level, beyond the usual "better safe than sorry" conditioning. Life is about more than comfort and safety. I think often times our capacity for greatness is severely hindered by our inherent biological craving for safety. It's time to push that boundary even if only slightly and a little more each time. That's what I'm working on anyway, if it goes to eleven, I want to see what it's like to turn it up all the way.
Although I do think I'm turning it up more and more all the time, stepping beyond what I used to think was possible. Did I mention that when I went to pick up my race-packet the day before the start, an Ironwoman named Mary told another lady who was wo-manning the booth that I was going to hula hoop during the entire run portion. I'm sure the look of shock & surprise on my face was funny as I was thinking, yeah right, hooping is enough of a workout standing still. I smiled and said "that would be cool but I'm not planning on it". However the seed was planted and with little reminder/suggestion and help from my man Mark, I did hoop and run the last little bit. Apparently I had plenty left in the tank... swim, bike, run, then run while hula hooping across the finish. Uh huh, crazy right? And oh so much fun.
Life is supposed to be fun!
Anyway, I could spend all day writing but I have a painting I want to start working on so I better get to it. Thanks for sharing this beautiful planet with me. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Good Intentions
I woke up this morning, like I do a lot of mornings, with the urge to write. Unlike most mornings where I stifle the urge with distractions (like facebook) or make excuses (like "I have to finish my laundry first") this morning I grabbed my computer and I'm laying in bed with coffee attempting to write what seemed so profound to share as I was lingering in the in-between dream/waking state. It's all tied together in my head yet as I write the emotion of inspiration is fading and I wonder if more sips of coffee will be the answer. Coffee always seems to help multiple things in multiple ways after-all.
A Randy Travis song swims into my awareness as I think about the title of this post. His words have stuck with me since I was a little girl sitting on the back of the tractor while my Dad was listing to country music on the radio. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but... my intentions were the best." Why did that strike me and why is it in my head now? I think it's because I'm realizing fully that my good intentions are not enough. I have to back them up with action and make a very conscious effort to extend beyond lifetimes of unconscious programming. I say "lifetimes" because it's beyond just me, it's what my parents learned from their parents, who learned from their parents, who were all just doing their best (like all of us are) based on commonly accepted knowledge at respective times in history and culture. The tricky part is to stop making excuses, step out of our comfort zone, trust in ourselves and make our good intentions known.
I intend to make a difference in this world. In order to do that I have to truly step out of my comfort zone. I know I need to take risks, the biggest risk is feeling vulnerable by putting myself out there. I love so deeply, I feel so strongly, I am so passionate about so many things and what if you find out about them? Is it safe for me to share when there's so many differences of opinion out there about what I "Should" do with my life, with my time during this time on this planet? More and more I realize I just have to say Fuck it and do it anyway. (And I know that word is offensive to some people, my intention is not to offend, it's just a great word with such strong force that nothing else compares. Just think about how many other "acceptable" words people try to use in it's place to convey the same meaning, why not just use the real word?) The point being we all seem to care too much about little things (like words) that don't really matter in the big picture.
The big picture being that these lifetimes are precious, we are all valuable and there is more than enough for everyone. It's time we wake up to the fact that we are all so intimately connected and we have more power than we think. I know you've heard this theme ringing throughout my blog but I have to keep reminding myself too. I have been conditioned yet without a doubt in my heart I know this is true. There's got to be a way to get beyond that conditioning, that programming. The road to hell is only paved with good intentions if we let our intentions be driven into the ground by what we feel we "should" do because someone told us to or by just running on automatic and doing what we have always done.
It takes serious effort not to judge other people but especially not to judge ourselves. It's time to stop the judgements that make us all feel like poo. All aspects of the great spirit (God) are within each and every one of us, therefore we are not here to judge and we are not to be judged either (by ourselves or by God). We are here to learn and to express the pure and deepest desires in our hearts. We are here to breath the fresh air, swim in the water, taste the fruit, feel the love, to be inspired and to create our dreams. And the coolest part is that we all want different things and we all have different lessons to learn and different ways of doing things. So not only do we get to learn from each other, we get to work with each other with our different gifts and specialties.
It's divine, it's beautiful and sometimes it's a mess. Time to get dirty so we can clean up. I've shed more tears than I wish to share, I've been through hard times and made plenty of mistakes, some of which I'm still learning from. There's things I regret (though I try not to dwell on them) and I still judge myself harshly at times as I look at my shadow side. We all have our own demons to slay, this being human stuff is very challenging at times, but my point is, it's all worth it. For all the pain there's so much joy and beauty. Breaking beyond the fear and trusting in the process as it unfolds while becoming stronger with each experience. I have good intentions for the rest of my life and I intend to make the most of them by taking actions that are in alignment with my heart. We all have innate intuition and I'm finally starting to trust mine as well as hear/see/feel it more clearly and I hope you will too.
Anyway, enough for now, it's time for the task list, there's always chores that need to be done and I will enjoy them more knowing that I took the time to write first. Thanks for sharing this journey with me.
Dynamic Hands
Apparently theres a whorl in my moon... if there's any validity to what that is supposed to mean then a lot of things make even more sense. What I'm referring to is related to Palmistry otherwise known as Palm reading- the art of interpreting a persons character based on the shape and the lines in their hands. More specifically my experience last night was a type of science-based and well-researched method of interpretation from the Institute for Integrative Hand Analysis which I learned about direct from Roberta Coker of Hand Dynamics. For more in-depth information about this subject please visit Roberta's website. This 3-hour event was hosted at Simply Spirit with Jill Miller and was attended by a large group of diverse & beautiful people looking for some insight into the deeper meaning their lives.
Well, I definitely received some powerful insight into what my hands potentially represent for me as a human being with a soul mission. I would actually love to learn more about this method of interpretation and be able to use it to assist in helping people uncover some core truths about themselves. Roberta is actively teaching others how to use these techniques and is having a 3-day workshop in Vancouver, BC this weekend. I will be racing a J111 in Round The County (sailing a 36' boat as quickly as possible around the San Juan Islands) this weekend so attending that workshop is not an option for me. And not only that I have already committed to a year of Clairvoyance training with Jill which I believe with help me learn a different method for providing the same kind of insights that hand analysis/palmistry does. They both require a certain level of intuition in order to make sense of what the symbols represent. Having the life path number 11 already gives me that hyper-intuitive edge that I'm really just beginning to discover and actually trust in.
This whorl in my moon that I found out about last night is like a fingerprint on my palm. Unlike the lines on our hands which constantly change based on our life experiences, our fingerprints are unique, distinct and do not change. My lovely friend Pamela Leslie gave me a pretty profound palm reading just for fun one night many years ago and I have been paying attention to my hands ever since. I keep watching the lines shift and move on both hands, I've even decided to take a picture of them once a year on April Fools day (no kidding- it's just a good holiday to trigger a reminder), therefore I am doing my own limited research on the subject. I've always had this feeling like the palms are a type of roadmap that can tell us where we've been and how to get to where we want to go. I highly recommend learning anything you can about this intensely interesting method of self-discovery. At the same time we all must remember to trust our own intuition because we are the only ones who know ourselves best and when something doesn't resonate within us there is usually good reason for it.
However, the wisdom I received from Roberta in the quick examination of my hands in this group setting was exactly what I had hoped for. Confirmation that what I have been sensing in my inner world is for real. It's written on the palm of my hand and I have concrete evidence that I can look at when the self-doubt inevitably will knock on the door. Being aware of that means that next time I can choose not to let the self-doubt in and keep moving forward with my plans. I have written several blog posts and no matter how hard I try I can not help but bring some spiritual aspects into everything I do. I'm finally willing to accept that deeply spiritual part of myself and fearlessly let it out into the open with a solid grounded perspective (I am a Taurus after all). Ultimately I truly feel a deep sense of gratitude for everyone for we exist as mirrors for each other, reflecting lessons we could not learn any other way. It's amazing to me to see clearly the interconnectedness of it all and at some point I hope to share a vision I have for our future. We all have our unique roles to play in the grand scheme of this great gift called "life" here on planet Earth. Thank you all for existing.
Gaining Momentum
Doggone it! Some days are better than others but I finally feel like I'm gaining some momentum here. I'm learning how to use SquareSpace to create my website and in the process I'm beginning to redefine myself and figure out what direction my business is heading. At the same time I'm getting more familiar and finally falling in love with my Mac after being a PC person for so many years. The possibilities in this earth-realm really are infinite therefore requiring me to do a bit of soul-searching to determine my true passions and find ways to share my abilities coherently. I feel so incredibly grateful to have so many options and I appreciate having the patience while I sort it all out. I know it will all be worth it in the end, even when my threshold is pushed to the point where all I can do is sleep it off and start fresh the next day.
Birdbrain
What? The definition of "birdbrain" is a stupid person? That's kinda offensive. I just have this bird on my brain. It's a laughing Kookaburra, a member of the Kingfisher family that lives in Australia. Searching for a subject to paint I asked a special someone for an idea and it led me to this. The watercolor painting is not finished yet but I had just downloaded a couple new app's and had to test them out. This one is a picture I took of the painting that was modified with Prisma. Super fast it turned into another cool artistic version of this bird. I saved multiple modifications made within the app and this is one of my favorites. I am consistently amazed at the things people come up with and how fast technology is progressing. There's an app for just about everything these days. And I'm trying to keep up with the trends now that I'm back in the artistic version of myself. I am hoping to mesh my art with technology to improve my skills and share my work. I love all the possibilities for artistic creations.
Speaking of which I have a great idea for a series called, "Painting with Joy" that I'm working on. Actually Bob Ross is one of my Hero's and I still watch his "Joy of Painting" videos on YouTube. He taught me a lot about painting and some great techniques but most importantly that attitude is everything, "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents". I'd like to share my version of that philosophy in this series that I'm envisioning in my mind. He was an extremely talented artist and I only hope that my skills are acceptable in comparison. I am a bit camera shy but I've started to practice recording myself. The editing process will take time and then I just have to gather up the courage to upload and share what I have created. It's on my long list of stuff to do and the first step is being taken right now. The fact that this idea is written right here and will be published shortly means I have to do it because I just said I am going to. Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy what I have to share. It's just another step in my goal of meshing art with technology even though sometimes I feel like a Birdbrain in the process.