62 days

IMG_0848.png

Straight. Practicing French and writing a blog post every single day. I almost forgot today. How long do they say it takes to create a new habit?

I keep thinking about things I forgot to add into my Love vs Fear book proposal. I keep crossing tasks off my to do list. Time keeps flying by so fast. 

I realized too today when renewing my ElevenNW domain that I had bought I AylaJoyLove.com. Last time I looked at domain names it was taken, haha, by me. Too funny.

Thats all for now. Goodnight. 

Always Something

IMG_8308.jpg

If it isn't one thing it's another. There's always something that happens that keeps us on our toes. I guess that's why we are here... to overcome our challenges. To face our fears. To explore how deeply we can love in spite of it all. The endless adventures that keep us going.

It's never boring that's for sure. In fact can be quite frustrating depending on how we look at it. The context and our beliefs have a lot to do with how we perceive things. I want to keep an open mind. I want to believe that no matter how much I don't understand why certain things happen the way they do that they happen for some reason and the best I can do is to make the best out of it all.

When you really think about it, it's pretty amazing to be alive. Thats it. Challenging or not the fact that we are living, breathing consciousness is in itself a miracle of sorts and definitely something to be thankful for. 

Awe Shuksan

Aw shucks, I had some brilliant idea for what to write here but suddenly I'm feeling extremely tired.

Mount Shuksan always inspires me with it's sheer beauty and obvious awesomeness.

Mount Shuksan always inspires me with it's sheer beauty and obvious awesomeness.

I had a wonderful day doing readings at Simply Spirit during Jill Miller's psychic fair today. It really helped me to feel validated that I can see clearly. I just have to learn to trust myself consistently and be honest with what I see. Since I graduated from the yearlong Clairvoyant training program I have missed going into the reading and healing center on a regular basis. Today made me realize how much I want to be doing readings for people. I want to help, it felt good and I would love to figure out a way to do things like this more often. It was my first time being paid for readings too, (which I would have happily done for free) but it also made me feel like the real deal. I wonder if I could do this professionally?

Jill is a wonderful teacher, an amazing reader and great healer and I'm very thankful to know her. She has helped me immensely in my own personal growth and I would highly recommend her services to everyone. I love the fact that this community has such a valuable resource. I know I have overcome a lot of my own fears by having readings done and even by doing readings for others. It's amazing work.

 

 

Shh...

DSC_0101.jpg

Shh...

it. I'm trying something new with formatting here on Squarespace. I'm not really sure what to write either. I just put dinner in the oven after baking two different batches of gluten free muffins. There's a lot of items on my to-do list that I would like to cross off however I'm running out of energy. So that's it for today blog writing streak day #58.

 

Daring to Dream

Daringtodream.jpg

Here we go... I've done my research. I've poured my heart and soul into writing this proposal for HayHouse and I hope that my dreams will soon come true. Even though it scares me to think of what may happen after I send it off tomorrow I just have to trust that whatever happens will be meant to be. I've put in the effort and I will keep on dreaming of bigger better things as I continue the journey that is my life.

The original title was going to be Bonsai or Microcosm but after hearing James Van Praggh speak at the writers workshop I changed my mind but had no idea what to call the book. When I was on the plane flying home from Hawaii it dawned on me that the whole story was really about Love versus Fear. Often times I avoided doing things I loved out of fear. Fear that I wouldn't be trusted by the ones I loved the most. I sacrificed the things I loved to make things work in so many relationships I found myself in.

Love gives us the courage to face our fears but often times the fear of losing love can also create more fear. Especially in relationships, which it almost seems as if my whole life I've been learning about Love and Fear from some of the people who have been closest to me. From this I've also learned that above all else it's important to love and to trust myself first. I'm the only one that knows whats best for me and the truth always reveals itself eventually no matter how much fear we have regarding scenarios in our lives and our personal relationships.

Lies

Hate is a strong word that I avoid using or feeling. However, I more than just "dislike" the feelings I feel in association with lies and being lied to. I fully admit that I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm being taken advantage of too and it makes me really angry when this happens. Why do people lie? It doesn't matter if you're the liar or the one being lied too it just doesn't feel good. I do my best to be honest because it feels better to tell the truth.

How do I shift back into Love from such a strong negative emotion? How do I choose to feel happy when I am feeling mad? I want justice. At the same time I want to let it go. Torn with emotions over such seemingly simple concepts.

Why is it so hard to trust my inner radar? Because I always give people the benefit of the doubt.

I see what I want to see which usually means seeing the best in everyone I encounter. However I deserve honesty. I just want to shake this subtle feeling of betrayal. It's the car thing again. They said they wanted to make it right but why don't I believe they have my best interest at heart? And how can I prevent someone else from ending up in my position?

By telling the truth I suppose. The truth is going to come out after I gather a few more facts and evidence for my case. Soon I will report the full truth here and I will do it as unbiased as possible. Then everyone can come to their own conclusion regarding this car buying saga of mine.

Happy 2018!

I'm going to keep this short but I'm keeping my streak going into the New Year and planting the seed for a great 2018. We are headed out to watch the sun set and the super moon rise on the mountain in the snow. Just finished my 54th day of French lessons on Duolingo too in case I don't have time later. 
I had the most amazing dream last night and woke up feeling like anything is possible this year. I just have to keep moving forward and vigilantly retraining my mind to focus on what I want. Maintaining my faith that everything happens for a reason and consciously create the life I need by living from my heart.

Wishing you all a Happy, Healthy, Wealthy and Wonderful new year!

Toyota Of Bellingham

IMG_9961.jpg

OMG! I totally did not expect to spend 5 hours at the Toyota Dealership today. I started writing my blog post while sitting by the receptionist desk waiting to be called into sign some papers and now I'm back home sitting on the couch with my Macbook after eating dinner. My head is still spinning. Love and Fear is spattered all over within this story of me trying to figure out why I thought I needed a new car in the first place over a year ago. 

Having a reliable car is important for a lot of reasons though I'm sure I could get along without even having a car at all. Now that I think about it... sigh... too late for that now.  I do love the freedom of having a vehicle and I also have an affinity for Toyotas specifically. I thought that it was a sure thing that if I got a Toyota, even with high miles, I would be getting a reliable vehicle. Over a year ago I decided to buy a new to me used car and started looking for something to fit all kinds of requirements I had in mind. 

Long story short, I thought I had found the perfect SUV, it had just over 170000 miles but the price was right and it fit what I was looking for. It had everything, leather heated seats, premium sound, tow package, keyless entry and it was the right color. The only thing I didn't like was the gas mileage but I figured I would just drive carefully. Other than that it seemed like a dream, one owner car, purchased and serviced it's whole life at the dealership where I was going to buy it. The guy who sold it to me made it seem like I was getting a steal of a deal and could guarantee that it was in perfect condition, because they knew it intimately. Toyotas are known for longevity when it comes to mileage so it seemed like a sure bet.  Everything was fine until I took it in for an oil change a year later.

I went to pay the bill and as I walked up to grab my keys the service guy gave me a look that made my heart sink. He went over the list as usual saying some unexpected things then told me that the transmission and rear differential were leaking. And then he told me that it was listed in the service records from before I purchased it. WTF? Why didn't anyone tell me that before I bought the car? I immediately assumed I just got screwed by the car dealer who wanted to make his sale. It made me so mad and sad at the same time. Then the poor service guy suggested I go talk to somebody about it- he could tell I was upset and rightly so.

Needless to say they didn't charge me for the oil change that day and promised to make the situation right somehow. How? Fast forward to today. The plan was to make it right by finding me a better vehicle and giving me a good price on my vehicle as a trade in. It's been a process and this was not the first time I got a call saying hey, we have a vehicle that may work for you. In fact we had just gone to the dealership and looked at a different highlander yesterday but it was baby blue, without a hitch and not anything close to what I'd hoped for. 

Now I am rife with fear that I made a mistake. Scared that I just got taken advantage of again and mistrusting everyone in the situation. I don't even trust myself at the moment. I decided to go ahead with the new deal and take a huge hit to my pride based on numbers. I'll be getting a better vehicle for sure because it was owned previously by the son of my Mom's line dance instructor who is a Toyota mechanic. Yeah, go figure that coincidence out, it must be a sign? How is it that after I got the text from the car dealer telling me he had another different vehicle that might work, that I saw a facebook post of someone who had just upgraded to a Sprinter Van there. WTF? Really. I connected the dots and laughed.

I still didn't expect to spend 5 hours at the dealership today, nor did I expect to sign on for a loan borrowing even more money. Oscillating between thinking "it's only money" and "it's way more debt", wondering if I am doing the right thing. Knowing all the other things I could do with that money or could not do without that debt. Ugh. I do however love the way this sporty lifted white RAV4 looks and if it all works out I'll be driving it home Tuesday and saying goodbye to what I thought was my dream car and long term companion. I'm sad and afraid yet happy and excited, full of fear and love, all kinds of confused and wondering. 

My mind goes back to the Highlander and wonder why both of the front flip down visors broke since then, wondering why the front driver window suddenly recently stopped working too. Wondering why the air filter was clogged and needing replacement already, why they told me it was almost due for new brakes last time too, why it may have needed new rotors too. Why they didn't tell me it had problems in the first place and why they said they would fix it by selling me a new car that costs more than I wanted to spend (though my payments will be the same).

Why have I found myself in this situation, torn over the whole thing? What am I to learn from this mess and how do I make it right with myself? Was I meant to get a different car anyway?

I thought I had a pretty good radar for truth but now my trust has been compromised again by so many variables. I don't know what to do other than to write it all down here for reviewing later and then go hoop it off for now. I always have hope. I hope that they really are doing this to make it right. I hope that I made the right choice and that it's all going to work out for the best. I hope that I can trust again in the decency of car dealers. I want to give rave reviews but honestly, I did give rave reviews about this dealership but little did I know. And now I know more but I wish I knew more before. Sigh... the story goes on to be continued...