Selling Books

#Gagbot Quotes and #Prisma App modifications hooping with a selfie stick today.

#Gagbot Quotes and #Prisma App modifications hooping with a selfie stick today.

I think one of my biggest fears is actually selling my books. Once I get them done then I have to get them out there and once they're out there I have to be ready to hold my own regardless of the feedback I'll probably get. I know I can't please everyone and if my first book is a success it's scary to think of how many people might read it.

Then the more people that read it the more there may be people who don't like it. It's a vulnerable feeling to allow such an intimate look into how my mind works with regard to my personal experiences and perceptions. 

Writing this blog seems safe currently because there are only a few people who even read it. It's going to be much harder to write here when I have a bigger audience because there will be more at stake. At the same time it's also good that I'm aware of this fear and ready to face it.

That's why it's funny that this Gagbot quote is what popped up in the Prisma app when I was looking for a picture to go with my blog post for today. There's so many other things I could be working toward selling that don't make me feel so vulnerable and scared. At the same time I know they won't be nearly as beneficial or satisfying to complete which is why I'm willing to put myself on the line.

Part of it's not really even the selling that scares me, it's finding out whether or not I'm even good enough to be a successful writer. I'm coaching myself daily and doing my best to get past this. I know it's risky but sometimes the bigger the risk the better the reward. I just hope this is the case when I'm selling books before things. 

Thanks Gagbots & Prisma for inspiring this introspection!

What's Up?


"...I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed, just to get it all out what's in my head and I'm feeling a little peculiar... and so I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream at the top of my lungs, What's going on?" These lyrics from a 4 Non Blondes song keep rolling through my head. In fact, I even attempted to learn how to play it on the guitar and recorded my somewhat sad attempt on video. What is going on with me? I haven't written any blog posts here for awhile so I figured it was due time. As soon as I finish this post I am going to work some more on my book about sailing across the Atlantic as a way to escape my current emotional state.

As the full brunt of the Moon is waxing into a gibbous state I sense the pressure easing a bit in my skull. The water that makes up most of this body sure has had a lot of pull over my internal state of affairs as of recently. As you can possibly tell by my most recent watercolor painting (which I like best after being modified with the #prisma app). The way I was feeling came out through the brush in a mix of colorful streaks. Feeling the weight of the concrete jungle world entangled with the subtle energies of the earth with all it's inhabitants twisted with my perception in time. What is this feeling I'm lacking the talent to shake? Obscured by the clouds of my own insecurity the walls of doubt are inviting me in. What's going on?

It's springtime and the sun has been shining, except for today, today it rained, it rained so hard I thought the sky was falling. It doesn't rain that hard that often here in the northwest, usually it rains a lot but oh so gently for a long period of time. Today it just dumped down all at once. The raging rivers in the gutters created forceful waterfalls shooting out the spouts as I watched out the window during the thick of it. Thankful at the time to be indoors in a safe, warm house, able to watch the torrent from up high. I stayed in bed for a long time today and if it weren't for a call asking for a ride home from school I may not have even left the house at all.

I have so much going on inside this amazing house where I get to live. I spent most of the morning making videos to upload to my newly approved for monetization youtube channel. Finally maybe I can bring some income in from my creative love of being a shutterbug constantly capturing life in action around me. I have so many ideas and I have the time to implement them too. I'm taking steps, some small some big, some may not get me anywhere but I'm full of hope for potentials. Yet there's something nagging at me. Something beneath the surface that I can't quite put my finger on. This life, these dreams I have while I'm awake and the dreams I have at night, the vivid pictures spinning around, the shots of Deja vu that sting me with wonderment of the meaning of it all. It's got to give, this life I live, I need a reason for all this energy, for all these ideas, for all the love I feel that I want to share but feel is already misunderstood. The urge for the collective of humanity to wake up and smell the freedom right inside our own noses. 

It stinks, I know, I smell it too and I just know there must be something I can do. But what?


What? The definition of "birdbrain" is a stupid person? That's kinda offensive. I just have this bird on my brain. It's a laughing Kookaburra, a member of the Kingfisher family that lives in Australia. Searching for a subject to paint I asked a special someone for an idea and it led me to this. The watercolor painting is not finished yet but I had just downloaded a couple new app's and had to test them out. This one is a picture I took of the painting that was modified with Prisma. Super fast it turned into another cool artistic version of this bird. I saved multiple modifications made within the app and this is one of my favorites. I am consistently amazed at the things people come up with and how fast technology is progressing. There's an app for just about everything these days. And I'm trying to keep up with the trends now that I'm back in the artistic version of myself. I am hoping to mesh my art with technology to improve my skills and share my work. I love all the possibilities for artistic creations.

Speaking of which I have a great idea for a series called, "Painting with Joy" that I'm working on. Actually Bob Ross is one of my Hero's and I still watch his "Joy of Painting" videos on YouTube. He taught me a lot about painting and some great techniques but most importantly that attitude is everything, "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents". I'd like to share my version of that philosophy in this series that I'm envisioning in my mind. He was an extremely talented artist and I only hope that my skills are acceptable in comparison. I am a bit camera shy but I've started to practice recording myself. The editing process will take time and then I just have to gather up the courage to upload and share what I have created. It's on my long list of stuff to do and the first step is being taken right now. The fact that this idea is written right here and will be published shortly means I have to do it because I just said I am going to. Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy what I have to share. It's just another step in my goal of meshing art with technology even though sometimes I feel like a Birdbrain in the process.