Perfect Mirror

This blog is my personal musings. Today I was just thinking about how my current partner, the guy I consider the literal "Man of my dreams", is seriously a perfect mirror for me. This is one of those "Twin Flame" relationships that are beyond comprehension at times. I'm not sure about most of our other lifetimes together however I'm sure that we've been working on our relationship since the beginning of time. I knew it when I first saw him but I didn't know what it was exactly. 

I suppose having a perfect mirror that reflects our deepest fears as well as the beauty of our soul is the best way to evolve on many levels. Which also means highly challenging and not for the faint of heart. When we choose this type of relationship experience it's usually because it's the only way for us to get beyond ourselves in this seemingly concrete and physical world.

Having a perfect counterpart show us the things we have to work on within ourselves with a reflection from outside ourself being something we can not easily ignore. I wouldn't change it for the world and the fact is that knowing what kind of relationship this is, is helpful.

The awareness that I have of the nature of "Twin Flame" relationships makes it easier to understand why certain bits are the way they are. It also helps me to attempt to deal with my own fears and insecurities rather than ignore them because he most beautiful part of this type of relationship is that when we heal within ourself it usually is soon reflected in our partner. For me that is even more of a motivator to do the inner work necessary to move forward and grow.

Always Something

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If it isn't one thing it's another. There's always something that happens that keeps us on our toes. I guess that's why we are here... to overcome our challenges. To face our fears. To explore how deeply we can love in spite of it all. The endless adventures that keep us going.

It's never boring that's for sure. In fact can be quite frustrating depending on how we look at it. The context and our beliefs have a lot to do with how we perceive things. I want to keep an open mind. I want to believe that no matter how much I don't understand why certain things happen the way they do that they happen for some reason and the best I can do is to make the best out of it all.

When you really think about it, it's pretty amazing to be alive. Thats it. Challenging or not the fact that we are living, breathing consciousness is in itself a miracle of sorts and definitely something to be thankful for. 

Lies

Hate is a strong word that I avoid using or feeling. However, I more than just "dislike" the feelings I feel in association with lies and being lied to. I fully admit that I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm being taken advantage of too and it makes me really angry when this happens. Why do people lie? It doesn't matter if you're the liar or the one being lied too it just doesn't feel good. I do my best to be honest because it feels better to tell the truth.

How do I shift back into Love from such a strong negative emotion? How do I choose to feel happy when I am feeling mad? I want justice. At the same time I want to let it go. Torn with emotions over such seemingly simple concepts.

Why is it so hard to trust my inner radar? Because I always give people the benefit of the doubt.

I see what I want to see which usually means seeing the best in everyone I encounter. However I deserve honesty. I just want to shake this subtle feeling of betrayal. It's the car thing again. They said they wanted to make it right but why don't I believe they have my best interest at heart? And how can I prevent someone else from ending up in my position?

By telling the truth I suppose. The truth is going to come out after I gather a few more facts and evidence for my case. Soon I will report the full truth here and I will do it as unbiased as possible. Then everyone can come to their own conclusion regarding this car buying saga of mine.

Costco Connection

A shot from the best Road Trip of 2017!

A shot from the best Road Trip of 2017!

I just happened to notice a little box asking to share a story about a Road Trip in this months issue of the Costco Connection magazine. The first thing I thought of was driving through the desert this last summer with Mark for an unexpected work trip to Ontario, Oregon. 

 I thought it would be a good exercise to write something up and send it. It will be interesting to see if they decide to publish it.

Hooping in the desert sun.

Hooping in the desert sun.

It was full of everything I love- adventure, exploration, hot springs, scenery, hula hooping, sunsets and time with a man who stole my heart. Just like that mini road trip was unexpected so is our relationship. We never expected to be together, we didn't have any idea from the very beginning what this was or what it would turn into. We still don't know how its all going to turn out. I shake my head and wonder what it all is. We have some connection that is for sure beyond this lifetime, it may even be beyond time itself. 

All I know is that life is a hell of an adventure and I just want to enjoy it as best I can. I can take life much too seriously at times but I know life is supposed to be fun. Even though we all struggle at times I guess it's just happens that way to provide contrast for the times when it seems so easy and wonderful. 

Elevator Pitch

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Instead of working on writing an "Elevator Pitch" for my book I drew a pun. The Space needle has high speed elevators that travel from the ground level to the top in optimum conditions at a rate of 800 feet per minute. I drew the 605' tall space needle thinking it would give me more time in the elevator to sell my pitch but the ride is still only 43 seconds (according to a google search).

So that means I still only have 43 seconds to give a micro spiel, which is why there is a also megaphone in the drawing.  At least it will be loud and clear from the tallest observation tower in Washington state...

So here goes my Pixar Pitch version:

In the beginning I thought it was just infatuation. Every day I told myself stories for why I seemed to feel the way that I did when I was near him. One day I decided to ask him if he felt the same way. Because of the love I felt I had courage to step out of my comfort zone. Because I stepped out of my comfort zone my life was never the same. Until finally we crossed paths again years later and both discovered that the feeling of infatuation hadn't gone away.

It's a love story that could have ended a long time ago. A story of love that could have had many different endings all along the way. It's a story that hasn't ended yet and I hope to share it with you to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. It's never too late to find out if it was just an infatuation. Maybe someone is out there just waiting for you to make the first move. Maybe you just need that little nudge of outside validation that it is possible, and that love stories are as real and varied as the people who choose to explore them. Love is powerful beyond our normal perceptions.

The Truth

What is the truth? The truth is that it's complicated. 

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Where do I even begin to tell the whole truth? Part of the reason I am writing this book, "Love versus Fear" is to get the truth out there. Not only the facts of this life story I have to share but the beliefs that have shaped my reality along the way. It's complicated to explain how everything has taken place, if I look at it one way I feel guilty, if I look at it another way I feel justified. There are just a lot of facets to the truth so depending on how you look at the facts it can be perceived in so many different ways.

I may believe I am telling the truth but in actuality I am telling it from my perspective which is skewed by my personal observations of others along with my personal experience. I understand that my truth may not be the same as someone else because of this. I did not lie but I did withhold some information that would have changed the feelings and outcomes during certain situations in my life. I kept the truth to myself because explaining certain facts would have probably caused a lot more problems during an already difficult situation. I did what I felt I had to and some may consider what I did to be a lie. That is one of my greatest fears because there is nothing I despise more than lies. 

I do my best to be honest because I want the same in return. However the truth can really hurt, especially when the reason behind the truth is not malicious even if it may be perceived that way. It was important for me to keep some of the facts to myself until the time was right, until time had healed some wounds in all of the people who were involved. Until hindsight was available for a better perspective of the whole situation. I never wanted to hurt anyone, I never wanted to hurt myself and I know that it all hurt a whole lot. I know that it still hurts and for that I am sorry. I wish I could heal the past but I can only offer healing in the present by telling the truth now because the future has yet to be determined. 

Pillar Point

Pillar: "a person or thing regarded as reliably providing essential support for something"

Point: "the significant or essential element of what is intended or being discussed"

Today I'm going to make a pillar point and share a picture from Pillar Point County Park.

Pillar Point

Love always wins over fear but we have to make that choice. In order to make a choice between love or fear we have to be aware of our internal dialogue. Our inner space where we communicate with ourselves is often full of chaos due to physical things outside ourselves and often outside of our control.

This is where it helps to know ourselves well enough to know what we need to focus on. The things that we want to see manifest in our lives. The things that we do have control over. When we focus on the things we want to happen it helps us feel good inside. When we feel good inside we radiate it outward and it's contagious. Like attracts like. 

It takes time to remember to focus on what we want (not what we don't want) and is well worth the effort. In making the intention to choose to make choices based on the emotions of love versus fear I have realized that it takes vigilance and determination to stay on track. Remaining aware enough to realize when I switch to auto-pilot and choosing to go back to manual mode where I am the one who has the power over my feelings.

Consciously choosing to remain aware of what I am thinking in the moments as they happen. It's taking time to learn but it's working. Love is the answer because we can use it to look our fears in the face and keep moving forward.