Well... Played

Or played out? Actually it was an audition tonight to be in a play. What on earth am I thinking? I have so much stuff to do already. What if they give me a part? Acting is something I've always wanted to explore and auditioning was fun but my to-do list is long enough. Especially when I get that book contract from HayHouse in 4 days. (Fingers still crossed) I suppose I just focus on how much I love doing all the things I'm doing instead of being afraid that I won't have enough time for it all. Time is on my side.... oh yes it is... sorry song again. Life is still a musical in my head.

I'm almost done with all of the lesson categories in the Duolingo French app so maybe that will free up some time... end that streak and start a new one? I've been thinking about setting aside time every day to finish writing my books instead of blogging too. I"m almost done with the tree portal mural and other projects are well along. I just gotta stay focused on the love and keep moving forward, one day at a time.  I am thankful. So thankful for my life.

Just dreaming of that high mountain air again... spring is coming soon. 

Just dreaming of that high mountain air again... spring is coming soon. 

Selling Books

#Gagbot Quotes and #Prisma App modifications hooping with a selfie stick today.

#Gagbot Quotes and #Prisma App modifications hooping with a selfie stick today.

I think one of my biggest fears is actually selling my books. Once I get them done then I have to get them out there and once they're out there I have to be ready to hold my own regardless of the feedback I'll probably get. I know I can't please everyone and if my first book is a success it's scary to think of how many people might read it.

Then the more people that read it the more there may be people who don't like it. It's a vulnerable feeling to allow such an intimate look into how my mind works with regard to my personal experiences and perceptions. 

Writing this blog seems safe currently because there are only a few people who even read it. It's going to be much harder to write here when I have a bigger audience because there will be more at stake. At the same time it's also good that I'm aware of this fear and ready to face it.

That's why it's funny that this Gagbot quote is what popped up in the Prisma app when I was looking for a picture to go with my blog post for today. There's so many other things I could be working toward selling that don't make me feel so vulnerable and scared. At the same time I know they won't be nearly as beneficial or satisfying to complete which is why I'm willing to put myself on the line.

Part of it's not really even the selling that scares me, it's finding out whether or not I'm even good enough to be a successful writer. I'm coaching myself daily and doing my best to get past this. I know it's risky but sometimes the bigger the risk the better the reward. I just hope this is the case when I'm selling books before things. 

Thanks Gagbots & Prisma for inspiring this introspection!

Love 11:11

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I love seeing 11:11, it's a sign to me that I'm on the right path. I made more choices again today based on love rather than fear. Being more mindful is working better everyday. I slept great last night and woke up this morning excited to go take photos and run GBRC's annual Fairhaven Frosty. I did the 10K last year and chose the 5k this year so I would have more time to take pictures afterward. 

It was very wet but I dressed perfectly for it and cranked the heater in the Highlander on my way home. I love to run and it was so much fun to go to another event where I felt such a grand sense of community. My running family is growing the longer I run and it makes me so happy to be a part of something greater than I'm used to.

Social events of any kind used to really scare me, I didn't know how to handle them so I always felt awkward and uncomfortable. Now, it seems my perspective has helped changed my perception which has changed the way I feel and what I see when I participate in races. Being a photographer for GBRC too, I try to capture the joy of running in these events in order to encourage other people to run and keep running too. I know how much running has really helped me and I only hope that other people find that is the case for them as well. 

Running changed my life and though some days I really don't feel like going for a run I always feel better after I do. Being a part of a running club and having affordable races helps to keep me motivated to not only run but to keep improving my abilities. The more I run races the more I see familiar faces and I believe it helps us all feel more at home here in Bellingham. I love this city and the Pacific Northwest and all the beautiful, amazing, kind, wonderful, happy, intelligent people who share this part of the world with me. I feel very blessed to be here. 

Love > Fear

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Yay! Today, love wins the battle. Yes, fear still reared it's ugly head a few times today for me but I think I may be on to something with this specific way of paying attention. I feel good today in spite of only getting about 5 hours of sleep last night. I had a hard time falling asleep and not only woke up extra early, I got going early. I knew I had important things to do today. Like spending some time playing with my Cousin's twins

It wasn't all play, he had a work meeting to attend and had asked for the help I had volunteered previously. I have still never changed a diaper but I did a couple firsts with those adorable little boys today. Helping to feed them was kinda fun too albeit messy. Taking care of kids has always scared me for all kinds of reasons, those tiny humans are a huge responsibility for one. So I'm not sure what it is about these two specific guys but they stole my heart from the first time I met them. They were born too soon and had so much help coming into this life from so many people right from the start. Watching the journey that my cousin and his wife have been through with them is a clear demonstration of the power of love.

Like I said, I've never spent much time around kids so this whole thing is new to me but I absolutely love them and want to help them however I can. The way their unique personalities shine so brightly already it's going to be really fun to continue to watch them and get to know them as they grow up. I'm glad I'm able to help out too, the logistics of having one kid, let alone two at once is mind-boggling to me and I really don't know how people do it. I suppose once again it just goes to show that Love wins. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. If only we can all allow more love in our lives and choose to make decisions based on the expansiveness that only love can bring us.