I am totally psychic and totally relieved. I won’t go into all the details but knowing my clairvoyance training is paying off in all kinds of strange beneficial ways is fantastic. I’m relieved because I didn’t make the call back list for the play. Whew. It’s funny to think something like this would have possibly destroyed my self-confidence not too long ago. Instead I feel great, I got an interesting community theater auditioning experience. I have so many projects to finish it would have been silly to get a part in a play even if I really wanted it. It was a good experience no doubt but things work out for a reason and there are plenty of wonderful reasons you won’t be seeing me in “Scapino!”
I woke up this morning, like I do a lot of mornings, with the urge to write. Unlike most mornings where I stifle the urge with distractions (like facebook) or make excuses (like "I have to finish my laundry first") this morning I grabbed my computer and I'm laying in bed with coffee attempting to write what seemed so profound to share as I was lingering in the in-between dream/waking state. It's all tied together in my head yet as I write the emotion of inspiration is fading and I wonder if more sips of coffee will be the answer. Coffee always seems to help multiple things in multiple ways after-all.
A Randy Travis song swims into my awareness as I think about the title of this post. His words have stuck with me since I was a little girl sitting on the back of the tractor while my Dad was listing to country music on the radio. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but... my intentions were the best." Why did that strike me and why is it in my head now? I think it's because I'm realizing fully that my good intentions are not enough. I have to back them up with action and make a very conscious effort to extend beyond lifetimes of unconscious programming. I say "lifetimes" because it's beyond just me, it's what my parents learned from their parents, who learned from their parents, who were all just doing their best (like all of us are) based on commonly accepted knowledge at respective times in history and culture. The tricky part is to stop making excuses, step out of our comfort zone, trust in ourselves and make our good intentions known.
I intend to make a difference in this world. In order to do that I have to truly step out of my comfort zone. I know I need to take risks, the biggest risk is feeling vulnerable by putting myself out there. I love so deeply, I feel so strongly, I am so passionate about so many things and what if you find out about them? Is it safe for me to share when there's so many differences of opinion out there about what I "Should" do with my life, with my time during this time on this planet? More and more I realize I just have to say Fuck it and do it anyway. (And I know that word is offensive to some people, my intention is not to offend, it's just a great word with such strong force that nothing else compares. Just think about how many other "acceptable" words people try to use in it's place to convey the same meaning, why not just use the real word?) The point being we all seem to care too much about little things (like words) that don't really matter in the big picture.
The big picture being that these lifetimes are precious, we are all valuable and there is more than enough for everyone. It's time we wake up to the fact that we are all so intimately connected and we have more power than we think. I know you've heard this theme ringing throughout my blog but I have to keep reminding myself too. I have been conditioned yet without a doubt in my heart I know this is true. There's got to be a way to get beyond that conditioning, that programming. The road to hell is only paved with good intentions if we let our intentions be driven into the ground by what we feel we "should" do because someone told us to or by just running on automatic and doing what we have always done.
It takes serious effort not to judge other people but especially not to judge ourselves. It's time to stop the judgements that make us all feel like poo. All aspects of the great spirit (God) are within each and every one of us, therefore we are not here to judge and we are not to be judged either (by ourselves or by God). We are here to learn and to express the pure and deepest desires in our hearts. We are here to breath the fresh air, swim in the water, taste the fruit, feel the love, to be inspired and to create our dreams. And the coolest part is that we all want different things and we all have different lessons to learn and different ways of doing things. So not only do we get to learn from each other, we get to work with each other with our different gifts and specialties.
It's divine, it's beautiful and sometimes it's a mess. Time to get dirty so we can clean up. I've shed more tears than I wish to share, I've been through hard times and made plenty of mistakes, some of which I'm still learning from. There's things I regret (though I try not to dwell on them) and I still judge myself harshly at times as I look at my shadow side. We all have our own demons to slay, this being human stuff is very challenging at times, but my point is, it's all worth it. For all the pain there's so much joy and beauty. Breaking beyond the fear and trusting in the process as it unfolds while becoming stronger with each experience. I have good intentions for the rest of my life and I intend to make the most of them by taking actions that are in alignment with my heart. We all have innate intuition and I'm finally starting to trust mine as well as hear/see/feel it more clearly and I hope you will too.
Anyway, enough for now, it's time for the task list, there's always chores that need to be done and I will enjoy them more knowing that I took the time to write first. Thanks for sharing this journey with me.