Perfect Mirror

This blog is my personal musings. Today I was just thinking about how my current partner, the guy I consider the literal "Man of my dreams", is seriously a perfect mirror for me. This is one of those "Twin Flame" relationships that are beyond comprehension at times. I'm not sure about most of our other lifetimes together however I'm sure that we've been working on our relationship since the beginning of time. I knew it when I first saw him but I didn't know what it was exactly. 

I suppose having a perfect mirror that reflects our deepest fears as well as the beauty of our soul is the best way to evolve on many levels. Which also means highly challenging and not for the faint of heart. When we choose this type of relationship experience it's usually because it's the only way for us to get beyond ourselves in this seemingly concrete and physical world.

Having a perfect counterpart show us the things we have to work on within ourselves with a reflection from outside ourself being something we can not easily ignore. I wouldn't change it for the world and the fact is that knowing what kind of relationship this is, is helpful.

The awareness that I have of the nature of "Twin Flame" relationships makes it easier to understand why certain bits are the way they are. It also helps me to attempt to deal with my own fears and insecurities rather than ignore them because he most beautiful part of this type of relationship is that when we heal within ourself it usually is soon reflected in our partner. For me that is even more of a motivator to do the inner work necessary to move forward and grow.

Where is the line?

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The boundary line between destiny and manifestation is obscure. As a clairvoyant I can still be in denial. There are things I know that I resist. Things I want to believe but still doubt. The best way to predict the future is to create it however it seems ones ability to create is limited by certain factors outside of ones control. There is luck involved. There is some form of greater awareness directing parts of each and every life to fulfill some sort of divine design. How? What? Why? Where is the guidebook and the rules? 

I didn't get what I was hoping for and I am doing my best to stay positive, trying to believe there is something better in store for me but what? I bit off all of my fingernails tonight. I had thought I had finally managed to stop for good, my nails were nice and long, then, within 4 minutes they were all gone. It does make it easier to type. Sigh... what am I supposed to do now? The signs keep saying one thing, my intuition keeps confirming and my brain keeps saying WTF while my ego desperately wants to knock me down and kick my ass. Honestly, I'm in a strange space...

Regardless, it's time to get to work. I have a large, beautiful upholstery project to finish and then books to finish and self-publish. I even finally listened to another song I wrote, (well, I recorded it in a moment of inspiration) and I think it's worth writing down and learning. I gotta keep moving forward. I know I am still so blessed but this not getting the book deal with Hayhouse has messed with my head. Another valuable lesson to learn I'm sure. Either way this may be the last daily blog post for awhile. I have to spend time on the projects that will provide some income so I can keep doing all these fabulous things I love.

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Anyway, I'm done streaking for now. I finished all of the French Lessons on Duolingo and that means I've written 92 blog posts in the last 92 days (including the one after midnight- I wrote another that morning to make up for it.) This is quite an accomplishment I think and I know some day everything else will make more sense to me. Hindsight is something else I will have to look forward to. For now I'll end this 92nd blog post with Doreen Virtues "Angel Numbers 101" description of the number 92 because I just wrote it three times and it hit me I should look it up. Here's what it says: "As you keep the faith that everything is unfolding perfectly with your Divine life purpose, you more clearly see and understand the steps that are best for you to take."

Thanks Doreen.

I'll do my best to keep the faith.

 

Prayer

As I fall asleep tonight I will be saying many prayers, one of which I believe may be vital to the future I wish to create. I’ve already asked the powers that Be to help me believe it so I can see it. I pray for an olive branch, a big sign to inspire to me to keep writing, a clear pathway to illuminate this spiritual mission I’ve embarked upon in this life time.  All I need to see is the next few steps, I’ve been waiting, trying not to hold my breath. Tomorrow is the day HayHouse will announce the chosen ones for the Maui writers workshop and I pray I am one. 

Part of my loyal and creative nature loves inspiration that comes from helping people. I find the most joy in doing endevours that use my natural talents knowing they will directly benefit other people. I enjoy my independence and just being me as well so please understand I’m not looking to be a people pleaser or searching for validation. I seek to truly help in ways that come naturally to me, like writing, to benefit a greater cause or give me a direction to channel my creative efforts. I admit it, I need help too.

I’m doing my best, however the fear is lurking near and  potential disappointment is begging for me to give it some attention. I’d love to say I’ve mastered my mind but I’m scared to find out if my dreams are about to come true or not. It’s a rollercoaster of mixed emotions and I’m doing my best to ride the waves and pray that my wishes are fullfilled. 

Relief

I am totally psychic and totally relieved. I won’t go into all the details but knowing my clairvoyance training is paying off in all kinds of strange beneficial ways is fantastic. I’m relieved because I didn’t make the call back list for the play. Whew. It’s funny to think something like this would have possibly destroyed my self-confidence not too long ago. Instead I feel great, I got an interesting community theater auditioning experience. I have so many projects to finish it would have been silly to get a part in a play even if I really wanted it. It was a good experience no doubt but things work out for a reason and there are plenty of wonderful reasons you won’t be seeing me in “Scapino!” 

Red Dress

  Photo by  Ali Penko

Photo by Ali Penko

It's later so now I'll tell you why I said the red dress will have a heck of a story to tell. "The Joanie Johnny Show, that's all you need to know... we may have a 1960's sound but we're the baddest damn band around"... just a few lyrics from one of the songs explains a lot.

We all have big dreams but often times we not only have no idea how to make them happen, we are afraid to take steps toward them.

Fear often prevents us from stepping out of our comfort zone to reach for the sky because we are afraid we may fall and get hurt. I have plenty of fear but I'm not going to let it stop me anymore. 

Since I was a little girl I loved to sing and dance however I was extremely shy. Experiences in my childhood as well as being an empath provided me with a grand set of challenges I'm only beginning to finally overcome. I never thought I was good enough and sometimes I still wonder if I am but I'm doing it for the love of it. I've always loved music and movement so I'm throwing out the perfect pictures in my mind that have prevented me from doing what I love in the past.

I'm not perfect nor will I ever be anything other than perfectly imperfect me. I'm finally willing to take the risk of being myself and showing my imperfections to all as I sing and dance my heart out. Life is too short to worry about what other people will think of the real me who's been dying to get up on stage and make the world smile. Spreading the joy I feel inside is all I really wanna do. I want to world to be happy and this is one way I can see of making that possible. Happiness is contagious so if I keep smiling others will smile too. 

And I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to be a part of the Joanie and Johnny Show. The music is all original and it's incredibly fun. The band has a fantastic attitude as a whole and we all have common dreams and goals. Joanie and Johnny are an adorable couple and very talented individuals as well as just plain fun human beings. I absolutely love Meshe who is my companion back-up singer and dancer as well as an extremely talented person. James the drummer and Stephen the guitarist are totally cool too. It's awesome to be a part of this group and we have big plans for the future. This is your inside scoop because this band is up & coming... its been kept a secret for good reason until now.

The time is almost here for us to break out on the scene if you know what I mean. ;)

Well... Played

Or played out? Actually it was an audition tonight to be in a play. What on earth am I thinking? I have so much stuff to do already. What if they give me a part? Acting is something I've always wanted to explore and auditioning was fun but my to-do list is long enough. Especially when I get that book contract from HayHouse in 4 days. (Fingers still crossed) I suppose I just focus on how much I love doing all the things I'm doing instead of being afraid that I won't have enough time for it all. Time is on my side.... oh yes it is... sorry song again. Life is still a musical in my head.

I'm almost done with all of the lesson categories in the Duolingo French app so maybe that will free up some time... end that streak and start a new one? I've been thinking about setting aside time every day to finish writing my books instead of blogging too. I"m almost done with the tree portal mural and other projects are well along. I just gotta stay focused on the love and keep moving forward, one day at a time.  I am thankful. So thankful for my life.

 Just dreaming of that high mountain air again... spring is coming soon. 

Just dreaming of that high mountain air again... spring is coming soon. 

Dropped

I almost dropped the ball on writing today and I definetly dropped my phone. I went for a run at Lake Padden and after 5 miles with wet hands back at the car it slipped. I thought it was a goner but it seems to be working alright somehow. It was wet and the screen is quite cracked. I managed to find some easy release sticker backing tape and made a makeshift cover to prevent the glass shards from making their way into my fingers while I type. Sigh... so what to do next... I attempted to file an insurance claim but I’m considering upgrading and keeping this for back up instead. And not getting insurance on my next phone.

Dress Tells

I admit it, in a pinch I ordered a dress from Amazon. I looked other places local first without success. Well, there was one dress but it was $200 so it wasn’t really an option for me. Amazon prime had a one day shipping option which was perfect because I was running out of time to find something. The Dresstells 1950’s style dress I ordered is awesome... way better than I expected. They say every dress tells a story, I’m sure this dress already has one heck of a story and it’s only going to get better after tonight. I’ll tell you why later. 

Back on the Mac

 Look at the pure Joy in her face! That's what I love most about Hoop Dancing. Image taken tonight at the Center for Mindful use, Hoop Dance every Thursday at 5:55pm.

Look at the pure Joy in her face! That's what I love most about Hoop Dancing. Image taken tonight at the Center for Mindful use, Hoop Dance every Thursday at 5:55pm.

I've been posting from my phone which is why there haven't been any photos with my posts. I still can't figure out how to get it to work. I also took photos with my old iphone5 tonight and just realized it doesn't know how to airdrop. I use airdrop all the time, I love that someone invented something that moves things thru thin air. The little things in this life can be so mind-boggling, who on earth came up with that idea and then who made it happen as well as available for all of us to use. Whoever you are, THANK YOU!

Now time to go to bed... it's been another busy, productive and fun day. 

Blue Moon

It happens once in a blue moon... so they say. I lost my solid writing streak today. It’s after midnight and for some reason I thought I wrote a blog post but decided to check just now to discover that I didn’t. Where was my mind? Eclipsed by the energies of subtlety and distracted by future possibilities.

Yes, I have had many levels of awareness and stages of attention. It’s late and I need to be asleep. How could I miss it? I wrote it in my head... this morning I suppose. It was about waking up after dreaming that I woke up in the dream explaining that I was snuggling with an elephant. Such deep love and understanding I felt with this massive creature who could have crushed me with the weight of one leg but it the dream it was so real, so amazing the awareness of this animal who was my friend and slept next to me.

The lines are blurry between dreams and waking life at times I have to admit. My conscious logical brain knows the difference but my heart can’t tell. The emotions feel so real. Dreaming awake with awareness or asleep and dreaming subconsciously. Truly amazing to me how this life works.

The fact that we don’t really know how it works. The infinite mystery that won’t ever be put into words as we know them. Glimpses are fleeting feelings of Grand magnificence. We are magical mysterious beings who often take so much for granted. We disconnect, distract, derail, desensitized to the wonders of our potential. Once in a blue moon, eclipsed.